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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A little bit scared, quite a lot cross

2 replies

FallingCircles · 10/04/2012 13:27

Not sure if I want to type this, as it makes it all a bit real.....I'm a working mum, with 2 gorgeous children who I pretty much raised alone after ExH left when DD was a few months old. Last year I fell head over heels for someone, and was pretty convinced it was mutual - we got engaged, big wedding planned etc. Anyway, I found out he had been going behind my back in a pretty major way. We had a massive bust-up, wedding called off etc, and then did the old "goodbye" sex thing. Anyway, after a week, I decided that love was enough, and we decided to make a real go of things. Just over a month later, I found out I was pg, something we both had wanted. Only I can't make a go of things with him. I am tormented by thoughts of what he did, who he did it with, when he did it etc (and I found out a huge amount when he forgot to log out of the computer). Everything he does now makes me seethe with rage - he is unreliable, manipulative and untrustworthy. I feel like an idiot for pandering to his whims in the early days, and an idiot for thinking he was worth a second chance. So, I am about 9 +4 and really really happy that I am having a baby, but terrified about what the months ahead will bring.

I am waiting til next week's dating scan to let anyone know about the baby - and I guess I am pretty scared of family reactions amongst other things!

Am I wrong to end the relationship now? I can't stand him anymore - everything he does reminds me of the cheating, and totally lack of respect for my feelings. Everything he does reminds me that he is pathetic, immature and unreliable. Why didn't I see it before????

I know I will be a good mum to the new baby, as I am to DS and DD, but am already feeling guilty about the impact of this on all of us. Why was I sooooo stupid not to realise something was going on way before I did, and why was I so blind? Why are men (or at least the ones I have ended up with) such parasitic wastes of space????

OP posts:
Helltotheno · 10/04/2012 13:34

Absolutely end it now. Concentrate on remaining amicable with him, but only for the sake of the child. Much better that the child grow up with a father active in his life that you have a co-parenting relationship with, than grow up in the midst of an unhappy relationship, which is the only place this is headed by the sounds of it. He had his chance, he blew it. Go with your gut...

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/04/2012 13:40

Wouldn't be at all wrong to end it now. You wouldn't be the first person that got pregnant with the wrong man and you are not going to make a failed relationship any better by sticking around. The only downside is that, with a baby in the mix, you'll have to retain contact rather than have a clean break. Good luck

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