Feeling Trapped with all these arguments, so feeling down...

[cherrycola29]

I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship and a 5 year old daughter with my current partner. We have arguments everyday and I sleep on the sofa with the kids as I don't want to be near him. He constantly takes it out on my son and shouts and says nasty things to him and in response my son refuses at times some of the things he wants him to do like chores. I always end up being in the middle and on every occasion defend and stick up for son. but at times my son has used this to his advantage. I always try and shield our arguments but the kids always run to me when they see me crying. He always brings up my past and says that I was nothing before I met him.

I have tried to leave but I have no where to go as the last time I stayed with my mum she too was constantly shouting and disciplining my children. We don't get on as she always points out that i was a disappointment because I got pregnant young at 17. Ive turned my life round by going to uni and gaining my qualification in nursing whilst juggling the kids and weekend job.

Everyday seems to be a constant battle and last night was the worst. When he kept saying he was sorry he kept stroking my hair and I told him to stop touching me. He kept doing it to get a reaction and I stupidly pulled his hair and he pulled mine harder. If i tried to leave he wants me to take my stuff in one day and this morning he did it on purpose where he did something to the car so it wouldnt start so just to stop me from trying to move my stuff. HOw can I take my stuff in one day??

I just can't stand him anymore but my daughter adores him and always says please don't leave daddy...what can I do?

There are organisations that can help women in your situation. Can you get in touch with a women's refuge? Of course your daughter adores him... that's not the point. She can adore him just as easily from a different address where her brother and mother aren't being verbally abused and reduced to tears. Despite what your mother and he would have you believe you are obviously an intelligent capable person with a lot of great qualities. Don't worry about your stuff. It can be replaced. Your peace of mind can't.

Thank you so much for replying and your kind advice.
Would you know if these refuges would only take you on if you had reported incidents to the police?
I have never reported to the police as it hasn't got that physical.

Emotional and verbal abuse are still abuse, and you don't need to have reported them to the police to ask for a place in a refuge.

Please do.

Womens Aid number : 0808 2000 247
Give them a ring, of course you do not have to have any incidents recorded. They may be busy, but keep on trying to get through, you will do in the end.
See if you can gather the birth certificates and passports together, as this will help you, but don't worry if you can't. Is there a time you know he will go out of the house to give yourself some time to get something together and go?
Your daughter will adore him, but she will also learn men are able to treat you in the manner you have been treated, which will set an awful example in the future. Better to leave now , and let her have contact away from the abuse. You have done so well with your life, don't let him bring you down.

Cherry you need to get out love, soon. Please do ring Women's Aid, he is abusing you and your kids are witnessing this. All five year old girls love their Dads, no matter how nasty, she doesn't know any different. You do, and you know that this isn't right and that this is no way for any of you to live.

You can't change him but you can change the situation and stop this now. Ring WA, get some support, plan then act - and leave. You can go to a Refuge, where you and your kids will be safe. It doesn't matter that he doesn't hit you, emotional abuse leaves its scars too, and they take longer to heal.

You have achieved so much so far, and you can do this too. The thought of leaving is scary I know, but staying is far scarier and when you leave you can start to be happy again and find the light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this.