Dp walked out on me

[beebee1978]

Don't even know we're to start. I'm heartbroken. Dp walked out on Easter Sunday after yet another argument. He now saying there no going back. We have a 14 month ds. I can't eat or sleep. I'm trying to focus on my son but feel like I'm falling apart. Dp says he's had enough of me.
I own my own business, do 3 days a week now of got my son. I go to college for 5 hours a week. Look after my son do all the cooking and cleaning. He's had a failed business and owes thousands. He's now getting a little work so I've getting a little money off him but not much or regular. I said that the arguments are because we dont have money to do anything apart from pay bills that's why we argue.
I'm just lost

Sorry it's happened. It probably is due to money worries - as the saying goes 'when money goes out of the door, love flies out of the window'. Constant arguments are really not a good way to live for either you or your little boy. Once you get over the initial shock you'll cope just fine because it sounds as though you've been managing everything already. Get some friends around you, stay busy, be kind to yourself and resist the temptation to get in touch with him.

You need to start doing the practical things. Tell other people. Go to CAB and get advice about debts and benefits. Talk to the bank, and make sure you have money in an account only you can access. Check the mortgage on your home, and if there are any other loans. See a solicitor (normally free for the first 1/2 hour).
Try to eat, even if just a biscuit, if you can't eat then try to drink plenty, amybe some slim-fast shakes to make sure you get some nutrients.

You will survive, and we'll be here to cheer you on.

How worrying for you. Do you know where he is staying? It has only been a few days so he may come back when his head clears. What do you want to happen? If you want him back try to think about how you could improve things to take off the pressure. Are there child tax or working credits you may be entitled to (these were our lifeline when our businesses were floundering) can you get some help with babysitting,could you move somewhere cheaper etc

Money worries are so damaging, my life with my partner has been a complete rollercaster (with longer dips than rises) and it is very emotionally draining. Thinking of you good luck

It's not your responsibility OP to either improve things or take off the pressure. Your responsibility is solely to yourself and your son. You do not know why your partner has walked out. We're assuming it's money problems but it could just as easily be a lover he's gone to. Look out for #1.

So he wasn't doing any childcare, housework or bringing in much money? What exactly was he doing? What was he doing to enrich your or your son's life? What was he bringing to your relationship and to family life?

Thanks so much for your replies it really means a lot atm. I've had contact on the phone with him sent him countless text messages even begged. Today he's given me a glimmer of hope, says that he needs some space and time.
The house is rented and I've been earning enough to pay the bills in my own for years now.
I dont think he's got anyone else, I think this is purely to do with the pressures of having a child and no money to do anything apart from pay bills.
Tbh looking back now it's no suprise that this has happened to only spoke to each other regarding our son and lost are us time.
I'm really going to fight to get him back. I know he's not really supported me but that's not really been his fault when his business went bust. He worked to pay off the business debts for no wages at all and when he's had money in the past has been generous.

Please don't send him any more texts and please don't beg.

I think it's natural to think you will fight for your marriage, but think about it seriously, will you?

He says he's had enough of you. That is very cruel.

Your business is successful - his has failed. Do you think he blames you for that?

He owes thousands. You do realise if you get back with him, you'll owe that, too?

Please don't beg him to stay with you. You are a worthwhile woman and he should be glad to have you. If you beg, you belittle yourself. If he returns, you'd never know whether it was because you'd worn him down - you would be walking on eggshells.

If you feel strongly about keeping the relationship, then let him go now. Say, "You're right, we need some time apart" and stand well back. Give him time to miss you. I think after he's been gone a while you'll feel a relief that the tension has lifted.

Fight for your marriage by all means necessary if that is what you want, BUT if that is your strategy you have to realise that begging will do more harm than good. When you beg, you send a sutble message that you CANNOT live without your partner, come across needy and desperate and non capable. And what decent man really wants that?

If you're going to fight you need to be clever about it, so that if it fails you can walk away whilst keeping your head high and with your self respect intact.

Right now you are panicking - not a good emotional base for working on anything. Stop pleading with him, bite your arm off if necessary rather than phone him. He says he wants space, give him space. Leave him to it for a few days. Let him make the first move to contact you.

Now when he talks to you act calm, pretend that everything is fine. Ask him how he is be civil, DON'T start blurting about how upset you are or can he come back home or blaming him or shouting. Scream inside instead if you must. The idea is to let him see what he is missing, that if he walks you are not going to fall apart, you will be just fine. That way he will see what he stands to lose by leaving.

If he comes round, book an appointment to go somewhere or take your child out later so that he can see you are getting on with life.

Don't let him think you want him because you can't live without him. Let him see you want him because of him. That you can get on quite fine but would prefer him in your life rather than out.

If he returns, then that's the time to get help with your issues. Spend more time together, maybe get counselling. Come up with a new strategy about money.

Good Luck. If he still decides to walk he's the loser. You will find happiness again without him. I guarantee it.

I just think we've been through so much in the past including a miscarriage before our ds was conceived. That is seems such a waste not to give our relationship a chance.
I'm going to give him the space he needs. Hopefully he will se sense after all people have gone through much worse and still been able to get back together.