getting married on Friday and just wish my Mum would act like a Mum...or AIBU? lol

[Rachloui]

It's hard to keep his brief but I'll try.
I had a difficult upbringing: horrid stepdad, real dad not allowed to see me by mum who was a bit flaky to say the least. Early adulthood equally as testing. dd's father was a cheating * and left me with bot physical and emotional scars. on top of that I've had some generally crap luck with health having fought off a tumour and just a couple of years ago, meningitis.

All of that said, I'm a tough cookie and though recognise that these things make me a little sensitive at times, i fight against them and believe myself to be well-rounded.
After all this crappiness....I have met a lovely man. dp loves me and dd and we get married on Friday. Yeay!
i worship the ground dd walks on but by contrast my Mum treats me like a 'frenemy'. She behaves jealously towards me and seems to begrudge me happiness. She makes comments about how everything always works out for me and how unfair it is etc. Despite this she is my mother and I love her.
She has bearly spoken to me for 7 months and during this time has moved in with a man (who hates me and has threatened me publicly) and his dc. They had planned to marry a few weeks after me but have cancelled due to her ill health (stress related apparently).
I saw her today (4 days from big day) and she didn't speak to me, yet i know she is coming to my wedding. She hasn't seen my dress. She hasn't been a part of the wedding process. Ive done everything without my mum and its been so lonely.
Is it unreasonable to ant to be the bride, to be her daughter just now. I know Im as stubborn as she, but sometimes i just wish she'd act like a Mum and 'fix' things.

You can wish, but she won't ever change.

This is about her, love, not you. You need to distance yourself from her and detach.

She is jealous, and actually she is one of the largest reasons why you ended up in such a disastrous relationship the first time out. You could do with popping along to the Stately Homes Threads. You need to understand that YOU are OK, she is not.

Hope you have a lovely wedding! all the best!

Agree with the above. She won't be turning into Mum of the Year at any stage. If she's jealous of you for some bizarre reason then a wedding where you are the centre of attention is her worst nightmare. Could be the perfect time to draw a line under the past, stop looking for her approval and involvement, and take the first steps into a truly independent life. Love her on your terms rather than hers. Find other people who can play the part of Mum.

Your mum is never going to change sad but true.

If she is coming to your wedding is she bringing her violent partner?

If she's the jealous type there is a chance she might try and make things unpleasant on your big day.

She also might try and steal your thunder so to speak.

Have you got measures inplace to try and avoid this ie a good friend or relative to divert her in another direction if problems start to head your way?

I havent invited her partner or his children. i feel guilty about the children. When they met I thought it an odd match for her but I want there to be happy and so made the best of things, inc embracing his dc. So I feel guilty about that.

But myself and of course my fiancé just don't want a violent, angry man at our wedding, so he isn't welcome and I can't invite his dc without him. I have given him every opportunity to resolve this issue but he hasn't taken me up on it. tbh I think he's a bit embarrassed and I don't think he's used to people standing up to him.
She's invited, but Im starting to wonder whether tat was the right thing to do :-S An Uncle advised that were she not, then the lack of her presence might define the day so to speak....I do see what he means: that she will cause less pain by being there than she would by not.
i doubt she'll cause a scene. She will however cause countless people to feel sorry for her and that makes me sad, i don't want my siblings etc to have their day spoilt either.
If she did cause a scene, my maid of hour is a force to be reckoned with lol.
I think its me that might cause a scene. There have been times when we've been close, she's like Jeckyl and Hyde and I know I'll break down because of this whether she's there or not.

Yes I can imagine she'd cause a huge hoohah if you uninvited her.

I'm surprised she hasn't about her partner not being invited.

The only thing you need to do is focus on your big day and the rest of your life with your STBDH.

You wishing things were different isn't going to make her change. Don't let her be the focus don't question or accuse her of anything on the day. Don't even ask if she's having a good time, it'll be a guarantee she isn't.

Your focus now has to be you not her.

thank you, I really do appreciate the advice and I will TRY to follow it lol.

"She will however cause countless people to feel sorry for her"

If she's leading a pitiful life, it's entirely hers to change. It's also not your responsibility whether uncles, siblings or anyone else is happy. Everyone is a grown-up, quite capable of dealing with one slightly huffy woman for a day. If you tend to 'break down' and if you want a tip.... don't drink much on your big day. Save the champagne for the honeymoon.

Lucky lucky you! How nice to hear of a relationship working on these threads!! You go girl!!
Don't give your mother a second thought. She WILL moan at people and try and get them to feel sorry for her but what do you care? Those people can walk away if they want to. You are not your mother's keeper and you don't need to run after her, like she's a toddler, 'cleaning' up her messes. Anyway it's the least your siblings can do for you on your wedding day - let them deal with her!!
And I think everyone else has said it perfectly - she is not gonna be Mother of the Year and she's not going to change.
We will all be Mum for you, so when you need a Mum just post of here! X

Ktmacca4 you are so nice.
Thank you everybody!
Just to let you all know, the wedding went well. Mum did not cause a huge scene, but did take the opportunity to collar my photographer to discuss family photos, pointing out that I wouldn't be including (nice).
She briefly said I looked beautiful outside the Church but didn't speak to me other than that and wasn't in contact on the morning of my wedding or the night before.
I am disappointed in some ways as I had hoped that she would step up to her role as MOB. but.....I was overwhelmed by the kindness of ALL the other guests and even the suppliers who stepped in and played Mum for a few hours in the morning.

I don't believe that mine and my Mother's relationship will ever recover after this; but sitting here, married, knowing how loved I am by others, especially my dh and dd, I really don't care right now!!
Thank you all for your words of support!

I will probably change my username now as it's a bit too close to my name doh! xxx