seen something i wish i hadn't

[milti]

I am a single parent (f) but still have a good relationship with my ex's sister. Last weekend I went for a night out with a girl friend. We arrived at this bar and the sisters husband, Jack (alias) was in there as drunk as a skunk. He greeted us in a lecherous way, hands like an octopus and he tried to kiss both me and my friend. I have not known him to behave like this before towards women, but he is well known for his binge drinking.
Following this he almost got into a fight with a man much smaller and older than himself. I managed to move him on thank goodness which was not easy as he is 6 foot +.
We left him at this point after failing to get him to go home. Not long after my friend saw him kissing two different women. The women responded initially but then pushed him off after he fell on them.
I have decided not to tell his wife because they have a young son (my nephew, 5) and with it being family I dont want to cause trouble. However I am left feeling guilty though I have done nothing wrong. Is it right to say nothing, maybe she knows what he is like and maybe I should mind my own business? It just makes me wonder what else hes up to?

I wouldn't tell the wife if I'm honest.

But I might well tell him I know what a cheating twat he is and threaten to tell he if he doesn't take a long, hard look at his behaviour - I'd also tell him he needs to stop drinking.

Its really hard to know what the right thing is to do in situations like this. I once witnessed my friend's boyfriend of the time fooling around and I did tell her the next day. However, she was a close friend and I felt pretty confident that she would believe me and want to know.

How do you think your ex SIL will take the news?

sorry, my oldest daughter came in so i couldnt reply

Proudnscary- thats a good idea though it would be awkward to approach the subject, i rarely see him on his own, it stops him getting off scot free i suppose. he does need to tackle his binge drinking but he's in his 40's and no sign of the penny dropping yet. He still goes off to glastonbury every year which says something. amazes me what people put up with for the sake of maintaining the status quo. Probably why Im single!

2 cats 2 many- i think she would be angry and embarrassed. whether she would be surprised I really don't know. i dont think she would be heart broken in the romantic sense but she would feel like a fool. of course its him that is the fool.

I dont have many close friends but if it was one of their partners I would tell them for sure, although it's always harder when children are involved so even then i couldnt be 100%. One word from me could wreak absolute havoc and I'm not prepared to do that, especially when it's family and could impact on my own children and their relationship with their auntie/cousin. I will just have to try to put it out of my mind.

thanks for the advice

I think that's a mistake.

All you need to do is present the facts to her. What she does about it is up to her. If you're thinking of this from a self-interest point of view, she might one day find out you were there during one of his embarrassing episodes and deeply resent the fact that you didn't tip her the wink, therefore colluding in him making a fool of her secretly. If she really did drop the relationship with her own nieces and nephews because of her pratt of a husband, or put a stop to their relationship with their cousin, would you really want them to have an aunt like that in their lives?

Charbon- I must admit I really struggle with things like this. I have borderline personality disorder (well under control) but i do find it hard to understand relationships- whats right/ whats wrong. I tend to see things in black and white- people all good or all bad so I am worried i could be overreacting and cause trouble where there needn't be any.
She is only the auntie to my youngest of 2 daughters. I don't think she would deliberately drop her but it would be very awkward if I had dropped such a bombshell.
My ex is not very responsible (he's a binge drinker too and still lives like a teenager). Her uncle lives away and her grandparents are not interested so I would like her to have lots of contact with her auntie and family.
It makes me realise it's not so bad to be on your own and Im grateful for my own lovely family.

Her grandparents on my ex's side I mean, my own parents are fantastic