affection....

[Feellikerubbish]

After 17 years together and 2 kids, one 4 and another 6 weeks old. Me and dp relationship not very intimate/ sexual. We don't kiss, cuddle etc.

Is this quite normal?

I wouldn't worry about what is normal, but what you feel is right for you, as a couple.

Do you know what he thinks?

It can be a difficult time for your relationship when you have two very young children. Probably the hardest time, with the least time for each other - tiring nights, lack of sleep, organisation. Men often feel left out or second of third place, poor kittens.

All this could lead to less affection, attention between you and your DP.

Also, you may have laid off the romance during pregnancy, so...?

Is it different than before you gave birth/got pregnant?

Your husband may find that you want to show him more affection in the form of kissing and cuddling when he stops pressurising you for penetrative sex even though you are not fully healed after the birth of your baby

It was normal for us at that stage - I only wish it wasn't. Talk to him - it may be that he's missing it just as much as you. I know in my case that whilst I'd have liked to have sex, it was actually the more basic intimacy I missed more - it's easy to get confused between the two and for him to think that because you're not interested in one you're not interested in the other, and whilst he might want both he'd settle for just one (if that sentence makes any sense at all!)

...given EggyFucker's comments, and other things I've posted on here I feel the need to point out that personally I've never pressured for penetrative sex - though I do wonder if my DW thought I'd expect that if we got intimate.

DadIsSad, don't take what I said personally

if you search for other posts of OP's, you will see what I mean

What Eggy said.

"DadIsSad, don't take what I said personally"

I didn't - no worries. It does sometimes feel like men are all tarred with the same brush on here though (I know I'm not a saint, but there is somewhere I don't go). Having followed your suggestion and searched I don't think I'd have bothered posting if I'd known - your comment is spot on.

DadIsSad, I don't search other posts before I make a comment as a rule

But I had given this poor OP advice on another thread only a little while ago, and recognised the name

I don't think all men are the same, DadIsSad, that is precisely why I make a point of posting on lots of these threads to say just that (often getting into spats with other posters when comments like "he's just a man, what did you expect?" and "put some lippy on and pleasure your man before he looks elsewhere" start flying around)

What is 'normal'? Also frankly with a six week old, both you and dp will be going through so many emotions that what is normal now, may not be the status quo even next month.

the question is 'is it ok?' and if its making you unhappy then no it isn't ok. Do you want things to be more affectionate? Physical? Does your dp?

I think both parents of new borns are quite vulnerable in a way and your best bet is always to communicate. Maybe he misses affection too? The most important thing is to talk and lets be honest, not to rush into anything physical after birth, until you are 100% ready. x