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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Come & tell me to sort it out!

20 replies

ermnotsure · 09/04/2012 17:50

He must think I am so stupid.

It couldn't be clearer that he won't introduce me to his family, friends, exes, work colleagues & anyone else in his life because of how I look.

Hundreds of examples - far too many to list. I KNOW it is just me he does this to as he is always going on about how all these different people mix socially with him at the same time, same venue, same event etc & he has said that I am the only one in his life that will never meet anyone else he has in his life.

I'm not slim, not blonde, not high up on the career ladder like everyone else in his life is so I embarrass him. He denies it but then he would, wouldn't he?

I've googled his ex & she is STUNNING. He more or less said he showed her off. I am only allowed to his house when his parents are overseas. (He lives with them) I need to borrow something from him & he won't let me go to his work to get it.

Tell me to get my act together. I put up with him because I just want to be liked....but I'm being a doormat, aren't I?

OP posts:

foolonthehill · 09/04/2012 17:56

Why would you want to be with him? He does not value you, he does nothing for your self esteem and he rubs your nose in the fact that he's happy to mix and mingle with lots of other people.

His behaviour is awful. Think yourself lucky that he is so OBVIOUSLY horrible and go and find someone nice to play with.

You are worth so much more (and I guarantee that loads of the people he is talking about are no better looking than you)

And I also bet that he is keeping you under wraps because there is someone else in the mix that others know about. How sure are you that his Ex is ex??

foolonthehill · 09/04/2012 17:57

PS I am not slim, not blonde, not high up the career ladder either.....most people are not. We are still worth knowing.

Ktmacca4 · 09/04/2012 17:58

I'd just turn up. Everywhere! Work, his parents' house, pubs etc.
Nobody puts baby in the corner!

hathorinareddress · 09/04/2012 17:59

I'm not slim.

Not blonde.

Not high up the career ladder.

And I'd be telling him to get taefuck.

Ktmacca4 · 09/04/2012 18:00

Is HE so tall, dark and handsome and running the world...? No, thought not!

donotoutplz · 09/04/2012 18:01

do you know how few people out there are slim and blonde etc?

do you know how few men are into slim and blonde? Nigella Lawson (pre-diet) makes my DH all misty-eyed for example, and he's not the only one!

there are so many different types of men out there, and so many different types of women. there's somebody out there for everyone. seriously. there's no need to stick with someone like this!

you're settling for a twat hon, get shot of him.

agree that you shouldn't be too sure that his ex is his ex.

Flisspaps · 09/04/2012 18:04

Are you sure it's because of how you look, and not because he's got a wife?

Either way, you deserve better than to be kept hidden from view by someone who clearly doesn't value you.

Original poster

ermnotsure · 09/04/2012 18:05

Yep his ex is definitely his ex. He was truly devastated. (and her facebook page states the replacement!)

I HAVE just turned up - I had a psychotic moment & introduced myself to his Mum. She was lovely, said she couldn't understand his behaviour & that I am really nice. He went bonkers. Said I was off my head. That's how un-skinny, un-blonde & un-intelligent I am!!

He twists things. Gets out of it by taking me to expensive places miles away (at least 45!) where we won't be seen by anyone he knows.

He is guilty isn't he? Time for me to acknowledge it.

Kick me into gear.

OP posts:

puds11 · 09/04/2012 18:05

You shouldnt let someone under value you like this! I'll bet he's not all that and a packet of potato chips!
It will absolutely ruin your confidence if you stay with this man. You should be with someone who wants to show you off not someone who tries to hide you. You may aswell be single! Also, how old is he if he's still living with his parents? obviously he aint too high up on the business ladder either!
I'm not tall, slim and blonde, and to be quite honest im glad, it's nice to be different!

HoudiniHissy · 09/04/2012 18:05

Dear GOD! Ditch this tosser. NOW.

If you even think that he thinks that you are nor good enough to show off, then tbh, HE is not good enough FOR YOU!

You hear me erm? Hmm?

If you carry on with this mind fcking relationship he will totally and utterly destroy every last shred of your self esteem.

You want to be liked? well then, you are with the wrong person! he doesn't even respect HIMSELF, let alone you!

BE Brave. Deep breath and BIN HIM. You will thank me for this eventually. You will find someone who thinks you rock their world.... But not while you have this Esteem Vampire sapping every last drop of self love from you.

Bugger that!

PfftTheMagicDraco · 09/04/2012 18:06

A shallow man who lives with his mother...

a catch!

ElusiveCamel · 09/04/2012 18:08

You say you just want to be liked so why aren't you putting your energy and time with people who actually do like you? He doesn't. Not even a little.

I can't believe he actually says to you that you won't meet anyone in his life! That's just awful :( What do you say to him when he says these things?

DinahMoHum · 09/04/2012 18:08

get out while you can

tethersend · 09/04/2012 18:09

Christ.

I think I might think more of him if he were married.

And that's saying something.

lisaro · 09/04/2012 18:09

He can't be that much of a catch if he still lives with his parents and only has one set if friends he also wouldn't be much of a catch if he was married......

ImperialBlether · 09/04/2012 18:51

Oh he's awful! Drop him like a ton of bricks - whatever you do, don't give him the satisfaction of dumping you. He's immature, shallow, jealous and just awful. Please - dump him and come back and tell us how it went! We're all rooting for you.

Original poster

ermnotsure · 10/04/2012 10:23

That's me well & truly told.

Thankyou for the kicking I needed. I LOVE MN!!

He tells things as they are whilst being emotionally detached....unfortunately I am on the other end of the spectrum & wear my heart on my sleeve.

My confidence has been fading because of him & other unrelated situations.

Confirmation of him being a twat was received this morning. In response I will tell him to take his tickets for our planned events & go with someone he is happy to be seen with. Not replying yet....will leave it a while. Yay or nay?

Thankyou to you all.

OP posts:

ionysis · 10/04/2012 11:13

Agree with the others. He sounds like a tosser. I've gained 4 stone since I got married (2 kids in 2 years) and my husband still claims to find me attractive (lying through his little pearly whites bless him!) and to be proud to be seen with me. This is what nice men do.

Let us know his reaction. I hope he is cut down to size.

puds11 · 10/04/2012 12:38

Do it notsure and be happy about it! he is a nobber and you deserve much better! send him to his silly event, and you go out with your girlfriends and have a good night maybe find a saucy man
good luck

Cherriesarelovely · 10/04/2012 12:47

OP, I truly hope you do tell him to shove it. He sounds like an absolute tosser. PLEASE do not buy into this ridiculous idea that you are somehow less valuable because you don't conform to some shallow stereotypical veiw of what is "beautiful". Not everyone thinks like that, they really don't. I'm gay and i can tell you that blonde and skinny does nothing for me!!!! It makes me feel very sad to think of you being put down by this idiot. Leave him and find someone that really appreciates you.

Flip