so what is a good relationship?

[upyourbum72]

I've had so many rubbish relationships, I just don't know if its possible to have a good one anymore, maybe its me, maybe I expect too much? I want to be loved an accepted for who I am, I want companionship not to live parallel lives but accept that both parties need their own space to do things too.

I seem to of moved around the country for men, supported them emotionally and finacially, put up with moods, but my needs are never met. I don't know if I expect too much or just haven't met the right man?

So what should I expect from a good relationship can someone tell me cos I really don't know anymore :-(

So sorry to hear you have had some bad relationships, everyone deserves to be in a good relationship. I've had some nasty ones too, I'm very 'cut and run' though so I'm out of those relationships within a few months when I find out what the guys are really like. If the guy hurts me I can switch off any feelings I had for him very easily.

I'm now married to my lovely DH and love our relationship. To answer your question, a good relationship is 'easy' to me. No drama. No arguments (I know this is rare for a couple though). 100% transparency. No lies. Open to talk about anything, and I mean anything. Even if it's something weird. I like talking to him about my day. I like that if there is a problem that I can talk it out with him and we won't argue. We will come to a logical solution. There needs to be give and take, not just take on one side. Also very important to us is our sex life. I would never marry someone that I didn't have a regular and passionate sex life with. People sometimes say sex doesn't matter so much but to me it does.

You could probably do with a laid back guy as it sounds like you may have had some drama in the past. Maybe try meeting someone through a friend, so they know if he's ok or not?

Maybe you also need to build up your confidence so you don't let guys walk on you.

Hugs.

Thanks Ratata, yeh I actually had that when I was married, it was easy and we could talk about anything no matter how trivial. I was happy everyday of course he annoyed me sometimes but it was very quickly dealt with. But after 10 years we grew apart till it got to the point we couldn't reconcile things, however noone has treated like he did at the beginning, I seem to get involved with controlling, abusive men, who make me feel I'm to blame, or too sensitive or belittle me. My confidence has taken a severe battering!!!!!! I am better on my own.

You haven't met the right man. Moving home, financial support, putting up with moods etc., sounds like you tend to make all the running. If you want to be accepted as you are... let them run after you.

Yep I'm a mug basically !!!! I'm working on my twat radar!

No more moving house, financially and emotionally supporting them, putting up with moods....

Because when you do that you just show them they can deal out any shit they want, basically.

Start to put yourself nr. 1.
Are you afraid to be on your own? I would suggest learning how to take care of yourself first (it's surprisingly easy actually once you get over the first hurdles).

Counselling can help you.

I've been where you are,

You're not a mug. :) However, if you want a tip, if you style yourself a little more 'high maintenance', a little less compliant and bring out your inner Diva (LOTS of fun) the twats don't want the challenge and will crawl back into the shadows for fear of being struck by a beam of your reflected sunlight and vanishing into dust. The genuine suitor will persevere...

Some work on your self esteem would help- either through coaching or maybe counselling.

It sounds as if you sell yourself short because you want to keep the man- at any cost.

Be more picky and they will respect you. Don't tolerate moods, bad behaviour etc etc.

ha love that advice diva it is then! Strangely the last one who was abusive thought I was hard work lol so I guess I should of known then as I think I'm the least hard work personto be with though I do get upset when someone abuses me strangely.

Sub.. I know I can manage on my own I took my children abroad on my own last year, I was actually happier alone, but yeh I do like the companionship but just not all this shit.