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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online Dating - falling for someone I've never even met! come give me a slap please.

14 replies

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 11:47

Ok I've tried the online dating thing on and off over the years. I met one bloke on it 7 years ago and we were together for 2 years. That's the only time I've ever followed through with the messages.

Anyway I've been on POF (I know) for about a month now and whilst I get a fair few messages, I dismiss 95% of them straight away (usually shallow reasons like being too short, bad English skills, comments in profile that sounds like they just go out pissing it up every week etc).

Anyway I got talking to two guys. One was a bouncer/body builder type who seems a bit full on and reminds me of that book, Into The Darkest Corner and the other is a sensible sounding engineer with two teenage kids.

I exchanged mobile numbers with the engineer and we've been texting every day. I've never even met the guy and I find myself thinking about him all the time, building up this picture of him that is probably a million miles off what he actually is! We've agreed to meet on Friday and part of me doesn't want to because I know it will more than likely shatter my illusion.

Why do I get so involved?? Anyone else had this problem with online dating?

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/04/2012 11:53

It's romance.... don't knock it. :) We all need a little fantasy and silliness in our lives or we might as well turn up our toes. So he turns out to be less than wonderful? So what? You'll have had a bit of fun enjoying the crush and there's no harm done.

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 11:55

Thanks Cogito :) I suppose it's just a form of day-dreaming really!

Grin
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NagooBunnytail · 09/04/2012 11:55

what's wrong with it?

You are still being rational as far as I can see. It's quite exciting to build him up in your mind, and provided you allow yourself to be disillusioned without getting too upset about it then you'll be fine.

I haven't done online dating. You are supposed to meet them quickly aren't you, so you can assess the reality?

You read those stories about people that bond online and then get married and live happily ever after. It might happen [busmile]

It's just like when you meet a guy in a pub and then he turns out to be a knobber but you don't find out for 3 months. Nothing is a certainty, there's no way to completely insulate yourself emotionally when you are looking for a partner!

Get on an meet him, try to stay grounded about it!

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 12:03

I kinda wish we'd agreed to meet sooner because my feelings are only going to get stronger as the week goes on - by friday I will be a wreck! I keep trying to tell myself the picture of him could look nothing like the real person - his 6ft could be my 5ft 6in - I keep trying to tell myself I do not KNOW this man. So why do I find myself thinking about him constantly?

God I'm such a muppet Grin

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first1 · 09/04/2012 12:04

I did exactly the same op. thought I was going a bit nuts falling for someone through texts and pof messages pretty much constantly for 5 days. He asked to meet me and like you, I was sceptical incase the guy I pictured and was talking to wasn't as good in the flesh. Well we met in January, and he's now a fab boyfriend Grin

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 12:06

Aww that's lovely First1 Grin congrats!

My main concern right now is that he's 10 years older than I am. But saying that, I couldn't imagine dating a 30 year old so maybe that is a good thing? argh what a minefield!

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first1 · 09/04/2012 12:10

My bloke is 8 years older than me. Don't let the age thing bug you, blokes are immature idiots anyway so I'd tell yourself he's only 5 years on and you'll prob be spot on Grin

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/04/2012 12:11

Look at it this way. On your death-bed and your life flashes before your eyes will it be a slightly miserable documentary of you sat darning metaphorical socks and watching Antiques Roadshow? Or will it be a daft, exhilarating Rom Com filled with stuff like falling in love with someone on the strength of a few texts and a description?

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 12:12

Oh my life would definitely be a comedy! slapstick comedy!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/04/2012 12:21

This is a bit of an aside... I once watched a documentary called 'what did you do during the war Granny' (or something like that) and it was filled with white-haired old ducks talking about the mini sexual revolution that wartime conditions created. To a woman as they reminisced about the naughty stuff they got up to in the blackout, they all got a distant sparkle in their watery eyes and a smile on their creased old lips. I decided there and then to stop being so 'proper' about relationships, stop hoping for happy ever after, and to get a few dodgy shags under my belt instead.... Wink You're a long time dead.

first1 · 09/04/2012 12:24

Amen cogito.

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 12:26
Grin

You're right, I need to stop being so bloody "proper" about all this and just enjoy it for what it is.

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first1 · 09/04/2012 12:27

Chicken, make sure to wear some killer heels, cleavage on show etc so at least if no relationship comes of it there's potential for a great shag like cogito says!

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 15:05

Haha don't think I'm ready to be quite so liberal First1 Grin

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