Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

PIL want to Skype with GCs while we on holiday with my family

39 replies

anotherglass · 09/04/2012 01:17

I'm abroad for 2 weeks with my DS 8 and 5 visiting my family. I only get to see them once a year so we have a very busy schedule. PIL back in UK asked if they could Skype with GC while we away and I agreed to this thinking once in the fortnight will be enough. This is time for boys to spend with their family here. Problem is that MIL wants more contact. Last night I was skyping DH who has stayed back in UK and MIL in UK saw I was online then tried to call 7 times. This is after after a telephone conversation with the GC night before. I am annoyed with her as I find the contact intrusive as she asks lots of questions and wants to know what the kids have done. This is annoying me and I am on the verge of telling her how I feel. We normally have a good relationship but she gets very anxious when the GCs visit my family. She is expecting us to Skype again this week. Does anyone else consider this level of contact unusual or would you normally keep in touch with inlaws while on holiday? We return home in a week.

OP posts:
Shanghaidiva · 09/04/2012 01:35

I think you are being a little unreasonable. What you see as intrusive re asking all the questions, could also be interpreted as her taking an interest. However, I do think it is a little unusual to want to contact her gcs so frequently when they are on holiday. Personally I would leave it up to your kids as to whether they want to speak to pils.
I don't keep in touch with my mum or pils when we are on holiday.

EldritchCleavage · 09/04/2012 01:40

I'd find it too much, and rather selfish, actually. If you don't see your family often I think it's rather off of MIL to be intruding on the visit. I'd be tempted to e-mail her setting up a Skype time, then just resolutely ignore her before and after that time.

It does seem odd that she gets very anxious over these visits, (why is that?) but I don't think that in itself is a reason to disrupt your holiday to give her frequent contact. In future it might be better to say you just won't have time to do it. I know that probably sounds harsh, but in my experience pandering to anxiety or control issues makes them 10 times worse.

SkipTheLightFanjango · 09/04/2012 01:42

If you were not using skype to keep in contact with others then I would say you were right to be cross. However as you are online using the skype yourself it is not unreasonable for her to want to join in. She may well just be trying to be a good GM, at least she wants to speak to them!

donotoutplz · 09/04/2012 02:29

i sympathise. this is exactly what my MIL would have done.

just do what feels right for you. if MIL throws a strop, she'll get over it eventually.

you can't let MIL's emotions dictate your schedule, that's the main thing. she needs to understand that she can't always get things her way. letting her get her way constantly will just give her the impression that her word is law and she can walk all over you...

Original poster
anotherglass · 09/04/2012 02:32

I email her pictures everyday so it's not like I am not keeping in touch. Where we are holidaying is 7hrs ahead of the UK so timing Skype calls can be problematic at the end of the day here and the morning/midday UK time. I don't want to feel pressured to organise our holiday schedule around getting back to the house to Skype. It annoys me that I feel pressured to do this. MIL sees the GC every school holidays and in between sometimes. It it good that she takes an interest in the GC but she should respect that the GC do need time to spend with my family. I do not want to spend my precious holiday time here Skyping people in the UK. She is coming to stay with us 2 days after we get back so not as though she will miss out on anything.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 09/04/2012 03:56

Yanbu, when I went to see my family with my dc, I barely had time to Skype their father never mind anyone else. We were do busy seeing people and generally having a good time. And the time differences can make things very awkward.

AThingInYourLife · 09/04/2012 04:39

"She may well just be trying to be a good GM"

Well she's utterly failing, if that's her aim.

The children are away, visiting their other Grandma, who they rarely see.

She should wave them off happily and not expect to hear a word until they return.

She doesn't need "contact" whilst they are abroad with family they rarely see, and, far more importantly, neither do the children.

They need to throw themselves into the holiday they are on.

The very idea of you arranging days out, even one day out, around Skyping a possessive grandmother at home is ridiculous.

I am in a similar situation, but it is DH's family overseas. My parents wouldn't dream of intruding on the rare and special time my DDs get with their Grandma while they are away.

Why are you sending her pictures every day? Confused

The amount of headspace she should be taking up for any of you when you are away is approaching 0.

You'll all be back soon and can see her and show her photos.

There is no need for her to feel included in this. And it's weird and childish that she us trying to force that.

I think you should ask your husband to tell her to back off a bit and leave the children alone to enjoy their holiday.

Condensedmilk · 09/04/2012 04:51

Everything AThing said. ^^

Yanbu. 7 phone calls is bordering on stalkerish.

nooka · 09/04/2012 04:56

I agree, it seems really odd to me that you should be expected to make any contact with your MIL whilst on holiday. Is there some reason why she gets so worried when you visit your family - does she think you might not return?

I wouldn't expect to do more than send my parents a postcard.

ben5 · 09/04/2012 05:08

bloody hell. My MIL skypes us once a week. We are in OZ she's in UK. She is happy with this and understands if we go away for a week and unable to skype her. She is happy with a postcard. I skype my parents a couple of times a week but they also understand that while we are on holiday we will not skype. They are also happy with a postcard.

ilikecandyandrunning · 09/04/2012 06:40

I too agree with Athing, get your dh to tell her to back off. Tell her you are busy. Dont skype at all - and why are you sending her pics everyday? You need to stop facilitating this 'need' she has too. She is out of order. Change this situation and enjoy your breaks away.

BrightnessFalls · 09/04/2012 07:00

Does it make a difference where you actually are? Is she worried that you will decide to stay there?

SoupDreggon · 09/04/2012 07:16

So, whilst you were already on Skype she tried to contact you? Hardly a "problematic" time for Skype calls was it?

And she wants to Skype them later this week? Once? When she's not managed it yet because you ignored her attempts to call whilst you were already online?

Is she actually pressuring you to organise your holiday schedule around getting back to the house to Skype or is this just your perception?

tooscary · 09/04/2012 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDreggon · 09/04/2012 07:18

"7 phone calls is bordering on stalkerish."

She hasn't made 7 calls, she tried to call when the OP was already online and therefore clearly not busy or out and about.

If my Out-Laws wanted to Skype the children whilst we were on holiday I'd just shut the children in a room with a laptop at a convenient time and let them get on with it.

BrianButterfield · 09/04/2012 07:22

If she wants to keep up with what her GC have been up to, which is understandable to an extent, I think this is what Facebook is made for! Get her on there and she can have photos/videos every day. No, not special one-to-one things for her but still nice.

exoticfruits · 09/04/2012 07:27

I think that it is a bit irritating but not worth making a fuss about. Switch on-leave the DCs to it and don't get involved. You don't need to speak-other than hello-and you don't need to listen. After a short time shout to the DCs -we have to ......now and they will say 'goodbye'.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 09/04/2012 07:35

If you don't want people to see you are online block them.

Sounds like there are deeper issues though, why is your MIL so possessive over the Grandchildren?

ScroobiousPip · 09/04/2012 07:40

Agree with LizaT, hide your online status so this doesn't happen again, then get on and enjoy your holiday. Top left on the Skype page. Change the little green sign to a orange 'offline' one. ;-)

stopthinkingsomuch · 09/04/2012 07:45

Sorry I've not read the posts but this stinks of anxiety of you moving out to be with family. It's was always interesting to see family do very weird things when we were abroad. Let it go, don't answer the skype unless you want to.

DinahMoHum · 09/04/2012 07:53

shes scared the children will forget her. Its her own paranoia and insecurity. Ignore her, she needs to get over it, and stop skyping her

AThingInYourLife · 09/04/2012 08:58

"She hasn't made 7 calls, she tried to call when the OP was already online and therefore clearly not busy or out and about."

She was busy.

Calling someone 7 times in a row just because you see them online us extremely rude.

squeakytoy · 09/04/2012 09:01

I would say "we are busy, we dont have time to skype and the kids will be able to tell you all about their holiday when they get home".

Original poster
anotherglass · 09/04/2012 12:24

I won't be making any more arrangements to Skype with PIL as I want to enjoy the rest of the holiday with my family without pressure. The GCs had a 20 min conversation with them on the weekend and will be seeing them two days after we return so that is more than enough. I will be diplomatic about how I tell MIL this. Many thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
BellaVita · 09/04/2012 12:26

God, this would annoy me.

Don't do it or you will end up doing it every holiday.