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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So I am selfish vindicative and hateful

33 replies

ChablisLover · 08/04/2012 23:08

When all I did was switch tv off in bedroom to go to sleep while dh wanted to watch the golf.

I said he could go downstairs

It's a culmination of things really.

He's sat on his backside all weekend watching rugby while I've been slogging getting ready for Easter lunch. Then he had the gall to say when am I starting the spring cleaning- to which I reply when I get the time. Which he says means never!

Dm and df came for tea not lunch because of the rugby - dh(?) comes out fir half hour and then returns to more rugby and just ignored us for most of the day.

He is the most selfish man I know.

Even friends said yesterday's at a kids party it's the most hrs been intetactivr with ds and to calm down.

Fed up to the back teeth but if I say anything I am hateful vindicative bitch. Sometimes I'm much worse too!

Why do I feel in the wrong when all I wanted to do is sleep as I feel like a cold is working on me. Plus I wanted a rennie for indigestion and get a lecture about not eating healthy etc etc. about all the crisps and sweets which he ate! He's even opened ds Haribo and ate them!

God I am angry but don't know how to formulate the argument to show him he is in the wrong.

OP posts:
DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 19:00

Why on earth us it your job to tidy up when you are both at home? Is he from the 1950s?! I feel sorry for you, it sounds miserable. Sad

JustHecate · 09/04/2012 19:06

He just wants to constantly attack you, doesn't he?

It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's having a go at you.

You don't have to live like this, you know. You can make another choice, if you want.

JustHecate · 09/04/2012 19:06

meant to say - I'm not saying that it's an easy choice, but it is a choice. xx

DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 19:12

I saw no way out when I was stuck with an arrogant misogynist twunt, I felt that I couldn't break up the family as no single thing he did was bad enough. Luckily he slept with my best friend and various other people which let me leave guilt free. As soon as I left, I was so much happier, obviously it was hard and I am still in debt 6 years later. Apparently my whole posture and body language changed over night. I have a wonderful DP now and another DC, DP has to point out when I am pathetically grateful when he looks after our child or cleans our house Grin

MrMiyagi · 10/04/2012 02:10

Regarding the spring cleaning comments, if you have never, ever, nagged him about getting a job done around the house, then you are completely in the right to take offence at them.

If you have, then what's the difference?

HowamIgoingtocope · 10/04/2012 02:45

right , im sorry he sounds like hes a spoilt DH. Time to click him back into reality .

One weekend , when he is up . Get your coat on , arrange a pre arranged coffee date , just for a few hours, and get the hell out of the house.

Id go one step further and take the batteries out of the remote. At present I have my own problems with a potentially cheating DH , so think yourself lucky he is quite happy being waited on.

Thumbbunny · 10/04/2012 02:57

He's a prize pig.

piellabakewell · 10/04/2012 06:42

Do yourself a favour and google 'passive aggressive behaviour' because that is what you are dealing with here. As you say, asking about CDs, cleaning, Amazon parcel etc...it's not overt threatening behaviour but he's using these opportunities to make you feel bad.

Either he changes or he leaves, I think. But it's not your responsibility to change him, it is his.

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