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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

happy Easter?

24 replies

ojojoj1 · 08/04/2012 19:11

I just want to cry again. I have just been strungled over boing stove because I poored down my husbands the big bottle of cider to the skink. Why I did it?Because I work my guts out and not willing to pay for his addiction.
Maybe unreasonable but I am exhausted metally and physicly.

OP posts:
LalaDipsey · 08/04/2012 19:13

Ojojo - if u mean you have been strangled over a boiling stove please call the police or women's aid or a friend or family and Get Out. Please.

puds11 · 08/04/2012 19:14

are you ok op? are you somewhere safe? did you mean strangeld? if you did then ou should definately follow lala's advice

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 08/04/2012 19:15

I am fine broke out free

OP posts:
HappyCamel · 08/04/2012 19:17

Please call the police, you need help if you've been attacked.

puds11 · 08/04/2012 19:17

have you called the police?

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 08/04/2012 19:18

I have 2 small kids I am not getting them any more traumatised. I had policy at home before and I am fine I have no marks on my ody just sore neck.

OP posts:
HappyCamel · 08/04/2012 19:22

In the long run they'll be less traumatised if their mum is safe and well. I don't want to scare you but you got free this time

Please get some help, call women's aid if you don't want to contact the police.

LalaDipsey · 08/04/2012 19:26

Can you get out with your dc? Tonight or tomorrow?

crazynell · 08/04/2012 19:27

Please get yourself some help Ojojojo1 - for your self respect and for your children.

morecoffeewantsmorechoccie · 08/04/2012 19:27

Get out and call the police. Your dc are already traumatised. They will know exactly what happens when your husband attacks you and probably live in fear that they will wake up one morning and find their mummy is dead.thus is the existence my siblings and I experienced during childhood. Eventually my mother left with us.ironically after an incident much the same as you have just described.

MissFaversham · 08/04/2012 19:31

OK OP. Wheres your H now? Do you have a friend or someone in the family you can call to come and be with you right away?

Sweepitundertherug · 08/04/2012 19:31

Call the police.
If not for you, for your children.

Oh, he could kill you one day. Or your children.

Please call the police.

Lueji · 08/04/2012 19:42

I'm pretty sure it won't be the police that is going to traumatise them.
They may have not witnessed it this time, but they probably will eventually.
And living in a house where one parent is afraid of the other is bad enough.

Was this the first time?

How is he reacting?

kay1980 · 08/04/2012 20:01

OP don't take this the wrong way but why put a message on here if you are not willing to take advice and get help? I do understand from personal experience its hard to get out of an abusive relationship but please get out of this if not for yourself but for the sake of your poor children they deserve to live in a safe environment.

MissFaversham · 08/04/2012 20:05

Kay, maybe there's a bit going on over in her house at the moment? You're not wrong in commenting like that but it's probably the last thing on her mind at the moment to post Sad

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 08/04/2012 20:20

called womans aid they just have emergency numbers as per bank holiday.
He is home telling me its my fault as i provoke it, maybe i did maybe i didnt, as soon as i can I am out of here.Sadly not tonight

OP posts:
Modeerfteews · 08/04/2012 21:17

It can be tonight , if you want it to be tonight ?
It's your choice call the police they can and will help you

This is your call .. Your choice for the sake of your dc ?

Modeerfteews · 08/04/2012 21:24

And your dc sadly don't have a choice , but you do and you CAN do it
And your not overreacting
It's not ok
You carnt brush under carpet or pretend it ok because it's not is it ?

You know this already...
Take a deep breath, take time if you need to but he won't change

You can get out tonight if you want to.

Lueji · 08/04/2012 21:26

Unless you attacked him physically, or threatened him with a knife, no amount of provocation deserves strangling over a hot stove.

You can leave tonight, or make him leave if you call the police.

Easier said than done if he is at home, I know. :-(

I hope you can get free asap.

neuroticmumof3 · 08/04/2012 21:26

Ojojoj1, please call the police. They will remove him from your home and you, and your children, will be safe and not traumatised anymore. 2 women a week are killed in England & Wales as a result of domestic abuse, they are often strangled. Please contact the police and keep yourself safe. It is not your fault, you did not provoke it. He is making excuses. Don't believe them.

HappyCamel · 08/04/2012 21:31

You didn't provoke it. Nothing anyone can do, especially not a wife in their own home, can ever justify violence. It sounds like it is his drinking is what provokes his abuse.

Well done for calling. Stay strong and get you and your kids safe as soon as you can.

gobbledegook1 · 08/04/2012 22:09

I agree with others you do not need to tolerate it and it will do more harm for your kids to see/hear this commotion the long run than a visit from the police ever will. How long until they 'provoke' him and he turns on them too. If the police come he will be taken in overnight and if he admits what he did will be let out on bail conditions not to come anywhere near you until he has been to court which will buy you some time to get yourself sorted and get away and/or get a solicitor to arrange apply for a permanent restraining order.

I have been there, its scary but it needs to be done if not for your own safety for the safety and security of your kids.

Alambil · 08/04/2012 22:19

You need to take photographic evidence of the damage he's caused you and keep it safe for the future.

You need to ring 999 and get the police to remove him.

Even if your children didn't see it, they witnessed it; they will know what happened and will be scared. They need showing that it is not how relationships work and it is not how "love" works.

Be brave - lock yourself in the bathroom and call the police.

crazynell · 08/04/2012 22:32

Ojojojoj1 IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG Don't blame yourself. I know how easy it is to do this e.g "if only I'd not shouted" if only I'd been more sympathetic" etc etc Even his mother told me i was my fault for him drinking its nobody's fault but his nobody ever forces him to drink. He shouldn't be doing this to you or your children - please please leave for your sake and the childrens Anything is better for you than this x

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