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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

so many issues where do i start ..

2 replies

igglepigglessoulmate · 07/04/2012 23:01

Hi all

to start off ... i have ds just over 1 year only been with dp 3 years .. he is a great guy , great dad (bit of a numpty at times but in the usual man way ) since ds was born we have struggled with our relationship we actually split up for 3 months and i moved out (still dont currently live together ) as we were just constantly arguing dp has a bit of a temper .. not violent but sort of 'animated' but has been working really hard to control it with anger managment and different parenting and relationship courses and is doin really well ......

we are back together ang getting on well although somethimes i wonder if this is because we still dont live together .

However now we have problems of a different nature .... sexual (or the lack of ) I now feel like he is not sexually attracted to me any longer, he never iniciates sex with me

we have sex around once a month , and i now feel like its not becuase he wants me its because by that time we just need sex and when we do its booorrrinnnng the same old way and over before i no it ....

i feel like the more i try to talk about it and try and spice up our sex life it is just coming across as despirate and he is only doin it to be 'polite ' or to avoid upsetting me not because he wants to

i am 2 stone heavier than when we met but am struggling to loose weight and feel this could be why ...... i have tried to talk to him about it he seems to just say what he thinks i want to hear and nothing changes .. i also feel he just doesnt make an effort with himself any more ,... clothes, hair , etc ;like he just doesnt think of me in that way anymore ...

ALSO i am really struggling to get over my EX which is only making the situation worse we got back into contact last year when things were going down hill with dp .... and he makes me feel amazing it was lovely having some1 to flirt with and make me feel like a women again not just every ones mother.. we have amazing chemistry which never seems to go away its like we can read each ohers minds .. we broke up 4 years ago and didnt speak for 3 but i think about him constantly since the day we met and it still really hurts even now..

this guy is not boyf material in any way and in no way do i want to swap what i have but i cant help but compare them and i cant get my ex out of my head i liturally miss him so much i feel like its killin me. i no longer speak to him but i sit and think of ways of contacting him all day until i go mad and realise i am being a crazy bunny boiler

what do i do do i feel like this coz i dont love dp enough of is it that i am not over the ex and its ruining my relationship

ps sorry about the spelling

OP posts:
maleview70 · 07/04/2012 23:04

Whilst your ex is still in your head, this will never work.

An ex is an ex for a reason.

Why not just be single for a while and see where it takes you.

igglepigglessoulmate · 08/04/2012 06:50

I was single for a year before i met dp and it has been 4 years since i broke from my ex ... also was single for 3 months around xmas ....

surely i should just be over it now ... i really just want my relationship to work and forget about my ex .

I have no intentsion of even considering getting back with my ex although i believe he loves me he will never be able to give me the life i want and deserve and is not good enough to raise my son .I know this , he knows this and so does dp ..I feel so angry with myself for feeling like this but i cant help it . and i definatly dont understand it !!!

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