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Relationships

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Original poster

When do you meet the OH's friends and family?

19 replies

first1 · 07/04/2012 16:01

I'm in a new relationship, been together about 11 weeks. I've not met any of his family or friends apart from a passing hello from one of his (female) housemates. He's met my parents and dd and a couple of my friends whom we've bumped into out and about. I kinda feel like it'd be nice to be invited to meet some of his lot by now. What do you lot think?

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PooPooInMyToes · 07/04/2012 16:21

Depends on how fast it progressing and how often you see each other i think.

If you still haven't met any after 6 months id be worried.

PooPooInMyToes · 07/04/2012 16:21

Actually as soon as i posted that I thought that its weird you haven't even met a friend. Perhaps he doesn't have many.

Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 16:23

Anything from 2-5 times a week, planning a weekend away next month and he's invited me to a summer wedding so progressing relatively well which is why im a feeling a bit blue about not meeting anyone yet

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Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 16:39

Any other opinions?

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PooPooInMyToes · 07/04/2012 16:48

Does he talk about his friends and family?

fiventhree · 07/04/2012 16:51

With my h it was more than two years!

They were not even unfriendly with each other, just not great socialisers with each other.

I think he thought I would find them dull or similar, but his mum was a fairly rational older teacher, nearing retirement!

(sister a bit weird, though, but I dont think that was the reason, as she wasnt living at home anyway.)

Would be fair to say he is a fairly 'private' person, unlike me!

Panamama · 07/04/2012 16:56

I'm not sure about family because people's relationships with their relatives vary, but I'd definitely expect to have met their friends by now. Does he have many friends or much of a social life?

Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 17:01

To be fair his parents live in devon, siblings up north and we are in London but he has a lot of close friends he speaks of from work and football mainly. It's them I feel I should have met by now.

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WastedYears · 07/04/2012 17:08

I would be wary. I didn't meet family until after we were married. I met several of his friends once after we had been together a couple of years. I have not met any of his colleagues in his current job, even though he has been there for well over 10 years. I have not met any of his friends now for over 16 years.

It might be nothing, but it might be a huge red flag. Keep an eye on the situation but if he doesn't start introducing you soon run like hell.

WastedYears · 07/04/2012 17:10

Or maybe he is just shy and doesn't have many friends. It is understandable that he hasn't taken you to see family if they are so far away.

Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 17:27

He's gone to a garden party today with friends. Told me about it earlier in the week but I never got a mention of an invite

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Panamama · 07/04/2012 17:32

I'd ask him about it. It's bothering you and there's no harm in dropping it into the conversation, and if it's upsetting you then it's better to bring it up now rather than letting it worry you any longer.

ImperialBlether · 07/04/2012 17:39

I would have thought after 11 weeks you'd be invited the party today, to be honest.

How would he react if you went to a party without him at this point? Maybe it would be worth trying it?

Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 19:05

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exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 19:26

I would mention it-definitely better sooner than later.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 07/04/2012 20:41

What's his relationship history? Did he introduce his last partner too soon and have it all go wrong, or has he just not had much practice being in a relationship? He may not want to assume he can take a plus one to every event, and might be shy about asking. It's something the two of you need to have a conversation about though. If there's any suggestion that he wants to ring-fence an important part of his life away from you or that his friends don't want to meet you, you may need to reconsider being with him, especially if his friends often end up taking priority over you. ('But why can't we all do something together?' - me to two successive exes before realising I was wasting my breath...) Hopefully it's just teething issues though.

Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 21:41

Thanks quacks. Thing is, he got a "to dp plus guest" wedding invite for August which he's RSVP'd with my name on. So I'm a bit baffled why he'd be willing to take me to something as grand as a friend's wedding but not a drink with mates down the local

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O2BNormal · 07/04/2012 21:48

I think if the only people he's socialising with locally are football mates and work colleagues it would be unusual for him to take you along, unless the others all have their partners there too. My DH has met very few of my work or sports mates and we've been married 20 years! Although the garden party thing doesn't sound right, unless it was arranged ages ago before you were together perhaps? Maybe when he "mentioned" it he was expecting you to assume you were invited?

OTOH he's already planning to take you to a wedding in AUGUST! Is it a family wedding, Will you meet all his important people then?

Original poster

first1 · 07/04/2012 21:55

Not a family do no, it's a friend's wedding and dp is a groomsman. I was flattered to be asked. Hmm maybe I should shut up and quit moaning

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