Excuse my ramblings, but I am interested in the experiences of others after separation/divorce. I left my husband just over a year ago after being with him for 17 years (since I was 17). We have one daughter who is eleven. My husband was a good man and didn?t want to separate but to me, he had become like a brother. After lots of counselling and soul searching, I made the decision to leave (and we share custody of our daughter). It has been hard and scary and sometimes lonely but I have no regrets as I know I didn?t love him as I should and couldn?t pretend to do so for the rest of my life. Towards the end of our marriage I also developed very strong feelings for someone else (although never acted on them) which obviously made me feel very guilty and sad. Anyway, fast forwarding on, I am feeling somewhat vulnerable and a little confused about who I am now. To complicate matters, after my marriage ended, I also ended any possibility of a relationship with the man I developed feelings for very harshly and quickly, I think because at the time, I just couldn?t cope with it. I feel that was the best thing to do, although, do sometimes wonder what might have been. Also, a couple of months after splitting from my husband I did (completely out of the blue) meet someone who has become a very very good friend. He too is recently out of a long relationship and neither of us have any desire to commit BUT we have become emotionally close.
Basically I am explaining this because I feel sometimes very vulnerable emotionally, as though I need to truly get back on an even emotional keel in my life. My ?friend? is due to work away for a bit soon which will obviously give me time completely alone and deep down, I do wonder if I should even break ties with him now. I will admit that I would find that scary although in other ways I am a very independent person. I completely financially support myself and daughter and have a good career. I guess I am the sort of person that people look upon from the outside as being very strong and always ok but inside I?m not 100 percent. I know there are no quick fixes, but I would just be interested to hear anybody else?s stories after separation and what people did to ?restore? themselves. I feel all sorts of emotions including guilt at ending my marriage and I know this takes time to heal but I don?t know how. Hope this makes sense. Thanks for reading.