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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This isn't right is it ;(

22 replies

MillyStar · 06/04/2012 23:04

I've given it one last try once AGAIN with the father of my unborn child who I'm due to give birth to on Thursday

He's had a drink every night this week after work and I've gone to the shops like a mug and had his cans ready for him most nights

As soon as he got in tonight he opened a can, plus I've had to buy my daughter a second hand pram for £100, it's gorgeous don't get me wrong but not the £500 mamas and papas one I wanted and he's given £150 per week for the last three weeks to a drug dealer for cocaine!

He's given me money too but it's gone on bills and he could have spent the drug money on our baby

This isn't right is it?

Any man with anything about him would have taken me for tea wouldn't they

WHAT THE FUCK am I doing seriously!! I've got a little girl to set an example too I need a slap ;(

OP posts:

HugeFurryWishingStool · 06/04/2012 23:07

Is this a joke?

Birdsgottafly · 06/04/2012 23:08

Are you making him confront his drug issues? or is that not an issue for you?

Having had personal experience of cocaine, i will say that you should get out sooner rather than later.

Snorbs · 06/04/2012 23:08

No, it's not right. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this.

Do you have any family you could go to for support?

FannyFifer · 06/04/2012 23:15

Do u honestly need to ask if this is right, he is a drug abuser and an alcoholic, £150 a week on cocaine, ffs.

Why would u want to make a go of it, he is hardly going to be any help with a baby is he, drunk or drugged out his head.

Honestly, cop onto yourself, what on earth are you thinking.

Doha · 06/04/2012 23:24

Was kind of hoping this was an old post from 1st April....

Get out now before the baby is born, l really cannot believe how you would even consider giving him another chance.

PowderPuffAndCurlyWhiskers · 06/04/2012 23:33

Jesus fucking Christ NO it's not right! Do you really need to ask that?

You and your baby don't stand a chance with this waste of space in your life.

HalfPastWine · 06/04/2012 23:38

So, lets say you stay with him. What happens when there is no money left to feed his habit? Well, he could sell of the entire contents of the house maybe ???? Yes, he could, this happened to a friend of mine. Every day she would come home and something would have gone missing. She ended up having to cut the labels out of new clothes she'd bought because he would take them back to the shops for a refund. He then moved on to the baby's stuff. That was the end of the line for her, she eventually found the strength to throw him out.

This guy is bad for you and your baby while he has this addiction.

If you decided to stay with him then you have to encourage him to get help now if you want this relationship to survive.

UnhappyLizzie · 06/04/2012 23:48

I'd forget the £500 pram if I were you, it's a non issue. Anyone who'd spend that kind of money on a pram who doesn't have an income like the Beckhams has a screw loose.

But not as much as someone who stays with an alcoholic and cokehead who is dealing with impending fatherhood by getting off his tits at her expense.

You really should know the answer to your question. You need to sort your self esteem out and get away from this loser. Or your unborn baby has no chance of a decent life and nor do you. Sorry if that sounds harsh but for fuck's sake. Feel sorry for your baby sleeping peacefully inside you right now but about to be born into a horrible mess. Please get some real life help, your partner is not a grown up.

NicholasEggcupkozy · 07/04/2012 01:07

If he's doing Toot fuck him right off. Honest love, the devil's dandruff will take priority over anything else.

NatashaBee · 07/04/2012 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neuroticmumof3 · 07/04/2012 12:05

It all sounds a bit hopeless really. I think you need to start planning for a future without him in it. Very sad for you but you'll be better off without a cocaine addict in your life.

TheSecondComing · 07/04/2012 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leverette · 07/04/2012 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/04/2012 12:25

Please think of the baby and get out ! Now! What happens if he leaves a can lying around that's even a quarter ful that amount of alcohol accidentally ingested could kill a child :( never mind the coke if that gets found by an inquisitive crawler/cruiser it could also be fatal! Please.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/04/2012 12:27

And dealers can be dangerous people! If they come knocking chasing cash it doesn't bare thinking about

doctordwt · 07/04/2012 12:29

Really? You think a wink is an appropriate way to convey how you feel about deciding whether you want to bring your baby up to come second to a selfish drug addict?

You're putting your baby at risk, and yourself at risk of losing them.

Start seeing sense.

Cassettetapeandpencil · 07/04/2012 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PullUpAPew · 07/04/2012 12:34

I think you know the answer - of course this is not ok.

Sweepitundertherug · 07/04/2012 12:50

Leave.

Praguemum · 07/04/2012 13:23

Get out of there. If you want to stand a chance of giving your baby the life it deserves, the sooner the better.

Putting up with this kind of thing is your choice when you are childless, but you now have a responsibility to protect that baby. Besides, don't you think you both deserve better than a man who is too weak/doesn't care enough to kick his bad habits in order to be a better dad? Your daughter will learn about relationships from you and if she sees him treating you both this way she will repeat the cycle and end up with a loser herself. Is that what you want for her??

puds11 · 07/04/2012 13:32

It is absolutely not safe bringing a child into a home where class A drugs (or any drugs for that matter) are frequently used. £150 a week would make so much difference if it was put for example, into savings for your DD.
I would leave and i wouldnt feel guilty about it. He has made his priorities clear, and it doesnt seem to be you and your baby. Sorry

UnhappyLizzie · 07/04/2012 13:49

Forget the emoticon people. It might have been supposed to be a tear. Let's give OP the benefit of the doubt...

I'm more appalled by the disappointment at not getting the £500 pram. I know I've mentioned this before, but really, it's sooo irrelevant. Caring about flashy accessories when you need to be told that bring a baby into a drug-addicted household is a bad idea suggests massive immaturity.

You are in a bad situation OP, your partner is not a grown up as I said. Your baby needs one grown up parent and it's going to have to be you. To be a grown up parent you need to get your head round the fact that what your baby needs is above all an environment where her basic needs are met. Where she is going to be fed and kept warm and safe. Somewhere where there won't be class A drugs lying around, drug dealers dropping in or a parent around who is intoxicated.

You are not letting your baby down in any way by not having a flashy pram. Your baby needs a pram that is clean and safe. And a home that is clean and safe and parents who are clean and safe. She is not an accessory for you to show off, she is a defenceless little human being whose chances in life are going to be determined by the choices you make.

This is your responsibility. Your baby has the odds stacked against her and she's not even born; only you can turn this round. Grow up and get rid of this excuse for a father.

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