Controlling man

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

My sisters relationship...can you tell me if this is controlling behaviour please?

1. If she makes a mistake eg. ordered the wrong bulbs (plants) online and other trivial offences, he tells her she can't be trusted.
2. Tells her she is going out too often/using the phone too much.
3. Puts too much filling in a sandwich (all true).
4. Rarely participates in family/social gatherings.
5. Not happy to have company (family or friends) to the house.
6. Won't visit her daughter's house, or vice versa.
7. Tells her constantly that they 'don't connect'.
8. Wants her to 'prove' that she really wants to be there (she lives in his house).

These are just a selection...he's actually a nice,kind man to the outside world...and just to add, my sister is 64 and he is 71, they have been together for 6 years..

Yes, he's a twat.

Seriously. She is too old for that shit. Tell her she needs to to get out

I'm not being disrespectful btw, everyone is too old for that shit. he has no right to treat her or her family/friends like that.

she doesn't have to prove a thing to him. HE needs to prove to her why on earth she should be with him... cos I don't think it's obvious to anyone...

HH I've told her exactly that...I just need the above confirmed as controlling behaviour and then show her the replies...

Thank you..

She became involved after her husband left her for another woman, so she was VERY vulnerable...

Yes my ex-H was the same. He wanted me all to himself so destroyed my confidence, was cold to my family and friends etc. To his friends he was charming, they all loved him. It honestly made me question my sanity. Was I just imagining how he treated me because everyone else around us (all his friends only by that point) thought he was great. Fortunately he's now my ex, and looking back I can see he was controlling and abusive, but I needed mental space to see that.

Chrysanthemum he doesn't have any friends now, basically doing very little outside the home...but like you say, he has destroyed her confidence to make her dependent on him, I know what he's doing, she just can't see it...they do have a nice patio..

Well ex-H persuaded me to move to Australia (which I loved as a country- I'd go back anytime!) so we ended up spending all our time together as he couldn't make new friends and he was inhospitable to the friends I made.

I'd tell your sister to get out, but really she has to make that decision herself. If she does it because others tell her to then she'll probably go back to him.

A proper man will :

encourage her to have contact and visits with her family and friends.
Be happy that she has interests, be happy when she is happy
He'll take care of things that he's better at doing than her, not tell her that she can't be trusted

Have a look at this:
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/mrgoodbad-english.pdf

She does have to get out, but she does have to make that decision herself. We can't do it for her, any more than you can.

But we can tell you (and her) that it won't ever get any better, that it will only get worse. That his control over her is a need, an addiction that he has to have a hit of. So he will control more and more and kick off about more and more random things.

HH I have told her all these things, but, like you say, she has to make the decision herself...I'll show her the responses, she needs more evidence..