A trivialish wwyd...

[festivalwidow]

This is an odd one - long but I don't want to drip-feed! DH and I have a nearly-2-year-old DD with what appears to be boundless energy. Both of us work outside the home, his job is very unpredictable and means a lot of travel, so he usually won't be home until after 7 and often after 8pm, with an early start. He does what he can with DD but I'm the one who is with her for longest in the evenings.
DD has never been a great sleeper - she is up at 6 most mornings and on a very good day will go to sleep at 8ish, on a bad day it can be 9:30. Most of the time we eat our evening meal after DD has gone to bed; at weekends we try to eat earlier so we can all have an evening meal together, but during the week DD will have dinner earlier and I'll start the nighttime routine at about 7.

Yesterday DH announced that he hates eating late and wants to make sure we have dinner before 9 every night. He's happy to cook but wants to eat earlier regardless of whether DD is in bed.

I have my own problem with this, which is that DD gets really excited if we're eating and sees it as an extra dinnertime. The times we've done this before, it has taken until 10pm or later to get her settled enough to sleep. If I bustle her into bed before 8, she gets really upset which I find really hard. DH has no issue with eating while listening to her crying; I do.

I have no idea how to a) be less tired and more sociable myself; b) resolve the bedtime/sleep issue; c) resolve the 'how to eat through the cries without giving myself raging indigestion' issue. DH and I are so tired these days we barely speak (DD has been ill which has made her hyperactive - it hasn't helped)

Not sure where this belongs but wondered if anyone else had resolved a similar situation? It's really trivial but I have no idea how to get around the situation!

In your position I would say to DH, "Ok, how are you going to organise it?" and see what he says. He can't just let your DD cry and sit and ignore her, that's horrible and unnecessary, so he needs to come up with some way of making the type of evening he wants work.

Is there any way your DP can get home earlier, at least some of the time so you can all eat together before DD's bed time? It seems a little unfair of him to expect to eat as she is going to bed. I agree he needs to find a solution if he wants to eat earlier, not sure what it could be though, sorry.

I think I would try to start bedtime routine earlier.
I get home at around 6/6.30pm with my two and launch straight into supper/bath/bed. DD is 4 and generally goes to bed at 8 though, if we're lucky, it'll be 7.30pm. DS is 19months and will be in bed by 7.30.

Obviously if you haven't had a repetitive, recognisable routine, it might take a while to get her settled but I would think it's probably possible to start one, same thing every night and take no nonsense and get her used to settling at a regular time.

Does that sound possible in your house/routine?

Oh, and if my OH is "starving", he'll ahve some cereal or toast when he gets home 'cause I agree, I don't like eating before they are in bed unless we're all eating together.

Well when my DCs were 2 we either ate together or after they were in bed, but they would have been in bed by 7pm. I do agree eating after 9pm is very late and I wouldn't like it either. but it's not your problem alone. How does DH think you should deal with it?

That's very late bedtime, which you will need to change before she goes to school, must be a very long day for you and I do think you need to work on adjusting it. What time does she get up? I'd start rousing her a few minutes earlier every day and starting the bedtime routine a little earlier each day until she's asleep at a more reasonable time.

There does come a time though when she just needs to go to bed and stay there when she's told, even if she's not asleep [hard] . Can DH deal with bedtime if you find it difficult and he's usually home by 8pm. You could have her bathed and ready but he's in charge of story and now it's time for sleep. That's what we did as it was the only time DH had with them during the week.