Self Preservation.

[akaemmafrost]

Right, will keep this short and uncomplicated.

I have been seeing a younger man, 13 years younger. I have dc, he does not. We have a great time and are in touch constantly. He has been quite up front that because of the difference in life stages he cannot see it going anywhere.

So if you were me would you carry on having a good time, knowing you are going to get hurt in the end? I have very strong feelings for him so I know this will happen or would you get yourself out before your feelings develop any further? My sister says get out now, there will be someone who is right for me, at a similar life stage and that I will only be hurt by this. Most of my friends agree.

Thoughts please.

I'm with your sister. If you carry on you'll always be hoping that his feelings will start to match yours

It depends on what you need/want at the moment. Keep the boytoy around for as long as you enjoy it while you're not ready for a serious committed relationship. And the moment you feel a twinge of needing/wanting something long-term in your life then ditch him immediately so you are open to meet a new (willing and available) man.

In other words, have fun until its not fun anymore.

(although truthfully it sounds like its already veering towards not-fun for you anymore...)

Did you ask about this before? This sounds familiar. Anyway, I'm with your sister on this one.

if you want something that lasts, if that's your dream and what you hope for, then yes i would start keeping him at arm's length. you don't have to stop seeing him, but don't make him the primary person in your life.

basically if you have another hope for yourself, keep some space open in your life for that hope to come to fruition. don't totally focus on someone who's not going to give you what you seek

I had a relationship with a much younger man after I split from my exH. it was just what I needed as a confidence boost but I did start to feel that I was really falling for him. I ended it as I knew it couldn't go anywhere. I was pretty upset at the time but it was the right thing because it had been good and I left with my self respect anf dignity intact.

In the same situation again I would definately do the same thing.

No I haven't posted about this before but there was a similar thread that made me think I should.

Yes it's definitely veered towards the liking him a bit too much and I am inclined to agree that it's time to get out. I just like him so much . But I know ME and I know if I leave it much longer I will fall heavy and make all kinds of excuses why it might just work. At the moment I am still only just in the sensible zone where I will be able to do it without too much heartache. God this is rubbish.

It's all my ex H fault of course if he had only been a good husband I wouldn't be facing this kind of dilemma at all!!! He gets the blame for everything else, why not this?

glass helps to hear that you would do the same again.

Sounds like you need to do the head over heart thing and make the most sensible decision, but you're nearly there anyway.

And of course blame your exH, that's what they're there for surely?!

It is done and I feel like crap .

Oh love, hope you're okay. Have an un-MN hug from me...

Had to do it today really, we are both going away separately for Easter and didn't want it hanging over that. Just had a big sob down the phone to my sister, she was brilliant. I know it's the right thing but it feels so utterly rubbish . I will take those hugs thank you very much.

Really good you can unload to your sister, it helps to talk it out... It's so difficult but if you know it's right all you can do is grit your teeth through this bit :( I'm pants at breakups so majorly impressed at you dealing with this so well.