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Original poster

Match.com

28 replies

bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 19:51

I've signed up to this dating site and god it's made me feel so depressed. I haven't found anyone I find even remotely attractive. All the men that have emailed and 'winked' at me are (and I know it's subjective) ok, I'll be polite - not my type. One of them was called swampy (I'm sure you know the type). I'm a professional, attractive and intelligent woman. I've written a nice profile, I've put on my best photeeeee...... I could cry. I thought I was being really smart by being proactive and took advice from friends to do internet dating and now I feel totally depressed at the prospect of going out with a middle aged man who only wears hemp clothes and ties the fraction of hair left on his bald head back in a pony tail. Where the hell are all the attractive men in the world? Where have they all gone? Am I to die alone!!!!! Will I never have sex again!!!!!!!

OP posts:
overprotectivemummy · 04/04/2012 19:54

I don't think Match is the best around- go more upmarket and maybe try Guardian Soulmates, the Times Encounters, The Telegraph, and if you want to be really serious, Drawing down the Moon.

Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 19:58

Oooooh, I never thought of that. What a waste of money bloody match is. Ok, so I should have done my research first. I'll check out Guardian. Thanks mummy. Smile

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 04/04/2012 19:58

Hang in there...I met my partner (on Match.com) after 5-6 mistakes lol we met face to face after a week, within 3 months he'd sold his house and moved in with me. After 2 years we had our gorgeous son and here we are 5 years on still happy :)

Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 20:00

I don't live in London though, so I think the numbers available to me are much smaller. I might try an introductions agency.

OP posts:
Gems34 · 04/04/2012 20:00

Aww this post sounds so like me!
I know exactly how you feel!
How long have you been on there?
When I joined I though here we go I have so much to give, a career, goals, Im attractive and look after myself, and Im semi normal, easy going and genuine. There has got to be lots of guys out there. What a better way to find one than to join a pretty reasonable dating site!
I was soooooooooo wrong.
People keep telling me he is out there you just dont know it yet! Ha yep I definitely dont know it yet!

Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 20:01

Mum2 that's such good news. Honestly, did you get really low about the standard of the men on there or am I just a shallow beatch?

OP posts:
overprotectivemummy · 04/04/2012 20:02

Well you might need to be prepared to travel a little bit anyway- I know LDR are tricky but I know someone whose partner ( from Match!) was in the Falkland Islands when they met- 9000 miles away and they "commuted" for a year.

Mum2Fergus · 04/04/2012 20:28

In all honesty, no...there were no real disasters. Just times when it was evident from the outset that we were not relationship material, not with each other anyway. In times like that it proved to be better off being totally upfront and moving on.

HepHep · 04/04/2012 20:33

Okay, remain calm. Hav you tried OK Cupid? It's free but can be good, depends where you live as to whether there is anyone remotely pleasant on there. I've heard good things about Guardian Soulmates but never used it. Match.com can be pretty dodgy, and avoid Plenty of Fish like the plague. That's about all I know. Grin

Lastly, if you haven't already, get thee to the MN internet dating thread! Lots of support and advice there :)

Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 20:50

Hep, I just signed up for okcupid and it takes you straight to Match.com folk - it would seem they're match but for free!! Does that sound right to you?

OP posts:
ByAThread · 04/04/2012 20:52

I've done Match, Guardian Soulmates, My Single Friend and Encounters. Guardian was the ONLY one that had any men worth dating in my opinion. All the others were full of time-wasters. I've had LOTS of very interesting dates and a handful of '3-6 monthers'. I've also managed to make some life-long friends.

Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 21:45

I've just signed up for cupid, put photos on and then realised that because it's free there might be people on there I don't want to see me. Oh god, it's a bloody minefield.

OP posts:
HepHep · 04/04/2012 22:11

Don't THINK okC are owned by Match, but I haven't used the site since last year so that could have changed. www.okcupid.com is the one I meant, anyhow.
Don't give away too much on your profile, nothing you'd be worried about anyone seeing, you can always divulge more in emails or even face to face. There's no shame in being single and looking!

Personally in your situation I'd cancel Match.com membership, get a refund if possible and put the dosh towards Guardian Soulmates :)

danceswithyarn · 04/04/2012 22:13

I met DP on match. Maybe he was the last "Goodun" on there - it seemed like it!

Met a lot of toads through it while I was looking for him though.

Grin
Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 22:37

Can I get a refund?

OP posts:
HepHep · 04/04/2012 22:46

Hmm not sure - try them!

Original poster
bucketbetty · 04/04/2012 22:58

Dances... toads.... seriously, I'm not exaggerating the unattractiveness of these men. I showed my aunt and her friend, both in their 60's and both were aghast at the some of the men contacting me. Big, old, bald, morbidly obese men. Now, I know it's all subjective but my god. Some of these men are over 20 years older than me. I'm clear in my profile that I'm into sport, fitness and like someone who's similar to me and still I get these giant men with their 5 chins and bellies Grin I'M NOT exaggerating!

OP posts:
bouncyagain · 04/04/2012 23:01

I think OP is describing a typical demographic thing - lots of lovely women (I am a man) and lots of not very impressive men. This is especially so in your 40s. Internet dating can be difficult - talk to friends who have done it before you get too deep into it. And the more specialist sites tend to have a better reputation. I met my lovely new gf through a social dating event. Google this. I thought it was much nicer than what internet dating looked like.

supernannyisace · 04/04/2012 23:05

I met DH on match.

However, I did have to trawl through a real bunch of losers before I found him.

ameliagrey · 04/04/2012 23:07

you've got to admire their sheer pluckiness though for trying!

Generally, men over 40 are in a worse state than women the same age IF the women have taken care of themselves - weight, basic grooming, clothes sense.

There ARE nice men on dating sites and there are grotty rough-looking women.

But overall, I think that women age better if they make an effort- that much was obvious at a 40th school reunion I went to.

Seasidegirly · 04/04/2012 23:11

Ive been on Match, Dating Direct and POF (which is free) and Ive found they are all the same. Paying on a website dosent guarantee not meeting a div. Met players on both of the first two. I just take them all with a pinch of salt now. The only one Im on now is POF cos its free. Ive not lost anything that way. There is a thread on here re internet dating if you wana look. Its the 'f*ck him and his barbour'. Its a good thread to look at through other peoples experiences. Good luck at which one you choose.

Original poster
bucketbetty · 05/04/2012 00:23

Thanks all. I'm so pleased its not just me being shallow.

OP posts:
HalfPastWine · 05/04/2012 02:17

Why not throw a party and ask all your friends to bring a 'single' friend.

The more new friends you meet the better chance you have of being introduced to a new man.

ameliagrey · 05/04/2012 08:27

It works the other way too! My brother aged 48- own teeth, own hair, nice black lab, nice house., reliable- no kids, no ex's... was on Match and got so fed up with women contacting him who were way outside his "spec". He does not want anyone with young children and was constantly winked at etc by single mums with 6 kids. It just made him utterly fed up and wasted his time.

PostBellumBugsy · 05/04/2012 09:29

Bucketbetty, I signed up for Match.com & also hate it, so you are not alone. It is expensive & IMO - rubbish. I'm giving Dating Direct a one month trial and so far I like it better.