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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

dh logged in to my mn account :(

41 replies

zumbameuprightnice · 04/04/2012 12:17

Have namechanged for obvious reasons.

Went to a fitness class last night and could sense something was wrong as soon as i came home. Turns out dh had been through internet history and then logged into mn and read all my threads, including ones with me saything things about him and his family.

It did not end well. I really thought he was trying not to check up on me but he just can't help himself. He doesn't understand why i am bothered about it!!

OP posts:

DinahMoHum · 04/04/2012 16:43

i wasnt saying she was, i was saying i wouldnt. I dont know the threads talking about. Sorry it looked like thats what i meant, I didnt think about how it came across properly before i typed it it seems

DinahMoHum · 04/04/2012 16:46

I meant that if i was seeking advice about very sensitive matters, id probably keep it to a private forum, not a public one as id be paranoid about people finding it, but whether that was the case or not, id be severely pissed off if i thought my dp was going through stuff id written online to try and find ammo against me, and itd probably be the beginning of the end for me

Original poster

zumbameuprightnice · 04/04/2012 16:56

No i have not cheated on him but he thinks i have. In the past i had hidden from him conversations i had with my ex as he was a very sore subject and i just couldn't be assed with arguing about it all the time. His suspicions are unfounded as yes i may have hidden a convrsation but nothing untoward has ever gone on and never will.

OP posts:

DinahMoHum · 04/04/2012 17:05

he sounds completely paranoid. It must be exhausting for you

Original poster

zumbameuprightnice · 04/04/2012 17:07

Yes it is exactly that, exhausting. And i really have had enough of it, need some space to breathe!!

OP posts:

fiventhree · 04/04/2012 17:17

Fair enough Dinah.

Op get that book!

You should be able to talk to your ex, especially if you have a child with him.

Your h seems from what you say to be controlling, aggressive and suspicious/jealous. That is a usual combination, and not good. It wont get better, unless you understand the pattern here and challenge it.

maleview70 · 04/04/2012 17:27

I would say there is a pretty good chance he will know its you writing this thread too! You went to gym and he hacked your account. I think he may be able to put 2 and 2 together on this one!

PinkCarBlueCar · 04/04/2012 18:24

Microsoft Security Essentials is free, and states it will find keyloggers.

If you have any security currently installed and he's an alpha geek, he'll have set that security software to recognise the keylogger as safe.

Ways around this - log on via a smart phone, or pc / laptop that he doesn't have access to. A fresh install of different security software should detect a keylogger.

But really, it sounds like you could do with professional advice. And not about keyloggers, because this sounds like it's about far more than that. So as others have said, speak to Women's Aid.

ImperialBlether · 04/04/2012 18:31

Do you still talk on MSN? Do you need to know how to stop conversations being recorded there?

I wonder why you stay with him. He isn't giving you space to breathe and just to be yourself. Do you HAVE to stay with him?

SugarPasteHedgehog · 04/04/2012 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArtVandelay · 04/04/2012 21:40

He sounds mad, I don't care what you did or didn't do - this is not normal!

EggyFucker · 04/04/2012 21:45

he is aggressive towards

he accuses you of cheating, when you haven't (projection...much ?)

he stalks you online, taking quite a bit of effort to do it

he hasn't apologised and has virtually told you to STFU because he will continue to read what you write, thus cancelling out a means of support and information

tell us why you are still with him

EggyFucker · 04/04/2012 21:45

towards *you

bjf1 · 04/04/2012 22:07

OP, the exact same thing happened to me!
I actually caught DH on pc reading through my posts. I felt violated. Yes, this is a public forum, but for someone to log on as yourself and trawl through stuff that you have written, in times of great unhappiness, is horrible.
DH could have trawled through threads and made a wild guess that maybe I wrote it, but logged in as me, he knew for definite and saw everything.
I know how you feel OP, it's crap. I am so much more careful nowadays, which is really sad, in the fact that I have to be to stop him snooping on me.

rubyrubyruby · 05/04/2012 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 05/04/2012 09:07

I can understand why you are upset, but it is human nature that if you suspect someone is talking about you on the internet, anonymously or otherwise, you would go looking to see what they have said.

If anyone knew their partner/wife/husband was discussing them on a forum, they would go looking..

It is always wise to clear out your history, not save your username, and change a few identifiying details if you are discussing your personal life in public.

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