Utterly fed up with DH

[YonWhaleFish]

We don't have sex ever, (I am pretty sure he just wanks as a substitute as he can't be bothered) and he ruined my birthday.

It's petty the way he ruined it, he bought me some easter chocolate (sorry, didn't realise yesterday was easter sunday ) and teabags as a present (which he'd bought the wrong type by accident as he didn't read the pack properly), and didn't even make me a special tea (meal), let alone take me out (as I had done for him.)

I made the tea as usual .

He'd gotten me a cake on the way home from work which was nice, but I had to ask him via text message (as my brother was there and I was embarrassed) to light some candles and sing.

So, he wasted money on thoughtless presents and couldn't even be arsed to make my tea for me or light some birthday candles or in fact make me feel special in any way.

We've been married about 6 months, no DC (so we're not at the point where DC's birthdays are more important iyswim).

I've had enough of his absolute thoughtlessness, he's the same with his family too, for example I ended up finding his parents an xmas gift which we traipsed out on xmas eve to get, it was me who wanted to make sure they had something extra special as they'd helped so much with our wedding, he had a complete lack of interest.

I said all this last night. I cried, I got angry. I just got looked at. Then a few tears, which tbh I don't feel were real, just to shut me up. Who the fuck knows. He had NOTHING to say for himself. At all. I might as well having been saying it to the fucking wall.

I am just so angry and disappointed. Is this my life for the next 60 years?

What you're describing is more typical of people who have been married 20 years, not six months! Was he just on best behaviour to lure you up the aisle? Did the prospect of financial security make you a bit too keen to see his good points and ignore his bad ones? Good luck with counselling but otherwise, cut your losses....

cogito haha at the money if only! He earns less than me and has been made redundant twice over the past 18months!

The behaviour bit might be right though!

I agree pullup, that's why it just isn't right to be this way, we DO seem more like a couple married 20 years.

If you decide to stay and try and work at it just make sure you don't get caught up in a cycle of him acting differently for a few weeks/months so you don't leave and then returning to normal behaviour that makes you miserable.

Redundancy once would be pretty stressful. Twice and you might think they're out to get you. Do you talk about the effect it has had on him? It shouldn't make anyone deliberately thoughtless, of course, but if someone's distracted by job/money worries they can appear distant and find intimacy difficult.

How long were you together before you got married? Did you live together? I'm just wondering whether this is the 'real' him or whether something else has happened to change him. Depression could explain some of it, especially if he's been made redundant three times recently, that's got to be tough. But he has to help himself, you cannot do it for him.

We did talk about it, and I supported him as best I could with it, he seems fine about that, been back in work for about 8 months. Maybe I should ask again.

We were together 5 years, living together for 3 years.

how are things now yon?