I was married to a man who I had been with for 16 years, married for eight of those. After the birth of our 2nd dc my ex h told me that he had been sexually abused as a child by two different men. I had already known about the mental and physical abuse, and to be honest the sexual abuse came as no big surprised. Anyway following his revelation I watched helplessly as he fell apart. I begged him to get help and I tried all I could to save our marriage. It was not enough and he ended up leaving me. For four months after he left he kept giving me hope that all was not lost and that he just needed time. Sadly I ended up discovering he was having an affair. As a result we divorced four years ago.
He remained with this woman and has continued a reasonable relationship with the children. I was beside myself when my marriage collapsed as I loved this man so much. He behaved dreadfully when he left, yet because I believe the childhood abuse played such a big part in our demise I tried to remain as reasonable as I could. I have finally moved on with my life. Met someone who I have had a baby with and he is a fantastic role model for my dcs.
Anyway my dcs are with their dad this week and I speak to them most days. On Sunday their dad spoke to me on the phone and told me that she had hit him and their relationship was over. It had happened on Saturday night in front of the children and when she refused to leave the house he took the boys to a hotel and they stayed there the night. He has subsequently taken them on a break to a theme park for a couple of days without her and I have been phoning the children at bedtime and talking to him at the same time. Purely so I can make sure they are all ok, which they are. They are enjoying having daddy time and because they are so young have been very matter of fact about daddy getting smacked, claiming xxxx must need more sleep. They understand it is unacceptable for anyone to hit anyone.
I have a good relationship with my ex in laws and I've been told that the abuse issues have reappeared and ultimately ruined his relationsip. He has finally realised that he needs professional help to deal with his feelings.
The thing I can't understand is why I feel so sad about it all. It's almost as if some of the feelings of sadness that I had when he left have come back. I feel so sorry for him and I know that if he had sought the help he so desperately needs we may not be where we are now. Please explain to me why I feel like this as I am a bit bewildered by it.
I obviously still have some feelings for him that I didn't realise I had, despite knowing that I could never be with him again and would never want to be.