What to do?

[busymum05]

Just looking for some advice from an outside perspective..my husband and I have hit a very rocky patch in our marriage, we decided to seperated last June but not on the terms that this was permenant, we were going to go to marriage counselling and we both wanted to try to fix the marriage.
Well we have been through 6 months of counselling and things seem to be getting back on track, he hasn't moved back in but we were working towards this, well on Friday night I accidentally found out that he had joined an app on his phone which is for dating, he swore to me he didn't talk to anyone he was just curious he said he installed the app not long after he moved out, I was hurt as I was under the impression that we were NOT splitting up or have split at any point, well I asked him if there was anything else I should know he said no.
Well today I found another one, same sort of thing...how would any of you feel about this?
I really need some advice I just feel like I've wasted the last year of my life on someone who was willing to replace me within weeks of moving out even tho we had not split up!! We have been together 10 years and have 2 children together...

I don't know what to say, didn't want to leave this unanswered :( As you were separated, it IS possible he was just curious.
As to how I would feel about it - I would be gutted, but the important thing is how YOU feel about it.

I think if I was in your position, I'd be very suspicious about whether he'd been looking at these sites after you'd separated, or whether looking for other partners long preceded it and was in fact a hidden but contributory factor to the problems you'd been having prior to last June.

I don't ever believe the 'just curious' defence when attached people are caught out on dating sites. I've never been remotely curious myself, but I am astonished by how many apparently intelligent people are persuaded to believe that adults in supposedly committed relationships end up on dating or prostitution sites out of curiosity, or because they were the victim of a prank, or because their credit card was evilly cloned by an unknown thief.

The truth is always that they are on dating sites because they are looking for sexual encounters with other people.

was his idea of "on a break" subscribing to the Jeremy Kyle version of "on a break" ?

did you discuss whether both of you would be free to see anyone else ?

do you think him being "curious" about OW might have contributed to your problems in the first place ?

Mainly our problems were due to the fact he is a compulsive liar, I just couldn't take anymore, our marriage was suffering majorly with him still here, it was me who asked him to leave so we could work out what we both wanted, but under no circumstances were we free to see other people, we were both very clear on this, we have been married for 4 years and since the marriage he has shown me a completely different side to him, I never thought he was a type to cheat ever, he just wasn't that sort of person, ( I'm not easily fooled I'm quite a strong woman)
Since we got married I found out that he had chatted up a girl sitting at a bar while we were on honeymoon, I found out the next day when he apologised to her friend!!!!
I was absolutely heartbroken, but decided to forgive him as we have the kids and we had just got married, then two years ago we were both quite merry one night and somehow ended up having the conversation about weather we find other people attractive, I got more than I bargained for when he revealed that he masterbates in the shower thinking of a girl we both know
That was the downhill slope from there, I don't trust him at all, my argument about the dating apps was that it's doesn't matter weather he spoke to anyone or not, the intention was there.
When he moved out he was the one that was ringing me crying down the phone worrying the marriage was over, telling me I'm the only one he wants etc...I just don't understand, if this was true surely a dating site wouldn't even have crossed his mind??

from all you have said, it sounds like you did the right thing to distance yourself from him

what sort of dick tells his wife he masturbates at the thought of someone you both know !

Kelly Brook, I can just about stretch to, because she is unavailable.

But telling you about someone potentially available just smacks of fucking cruel mind games

this man sounds like a nob to me

I hope you don't consider getting back with him

Mainly our problems were due to the fact he is a compulsive liar, I just couldn't take anymore, our marriage was suffering majorly with him still here,

He is not acting like a man who wants the wife he loves to trust him. He is acting like a man who wants his nice little home comforts back...

Due to the fact that he is a compulsive liar you will never really know when or why he downloaded it, because you can't be sure that he isn't hiding the truth like he has before. And the flirting on the honeymoon adds weight to that. You have a cloud of suspicion that probably won't go away and will put you through a lot of turmoil...it must have been horrible to suddenly find yourself in the midst of wondering if he was being deceptive again after it caused you to split up originally. Are you worried that it's all starting up once more?

he's previously proven to be a compulsive liar, and has now been caught on a dating site during a time when you were meant to be rebuilding your marriage. when things were rocky and not so good.

i think you need to get rid of this person. he is not going to make you happy.

if he was 17 or something, that would be different, but this is a grown man and a father. if this is the kind of nonsense he pulls at his age and position in life, i don't think there's a lot of hope for him, or your marriage. sorry

That's exactly my worries " that he wants his home comforts back"
I feel like im more of convenience for him..
I have been fighting his lies for a long time and the other stuff is more in the last 3/4 years, think I'm more worried about the kids they are only young and idolise him,
Thankyou everyone for your comments it's something I needed to hear from an outside point of view, just thought maybe I was going crazy and over reacting!!
Still think I am going crazy lol

Well of course he's worried the marriage is over, but not for the right reasons.

That would mean he'd lose his home, probably residence with his kids, someone to do his washing, cooking, cleaning and of course more regular sex. He's crying for him, not you.

I think he's been looking for opportunities to be unfaithful from the get-go. I would take some convincing that he hadn't succeeded in 4 years, at least once. This isn't someone who got involved despite best intentions. He's been actively looking for extra-curricular activity.

Your life will be hell if you stay with him and that means that your kids' lives will be hell too. Of course they adore him. Young children always do adore their parents, because they are completely reliant on us to tend to their needs. They won't adore him when they are teenagers and catch him up to his old tricks again. And they'll hate living with a mum who is bitter and sad at how her life turned out.

Be brave - this is never going to work.

I wouldn't waste my time with a compulsive liar personally.

Everything else asides...you can't ever trust a habitual liar. So that's it.