Feel for you Op. Congratulations on your baby!
The problem is that you can't change someone else, only yourself. It is not normal or right for your mother to feel so resentful, or to take out her frustrations on you, but it sounds like she has not been a "normal" mother ever to you.
In your childhood did you find that you were running around trying to please her, did you do stuff only to find that your achievements were all about her, did you feel invisible to her? Does every topic lead to a discussion of her needs, do you run around her "serving" her? As you have become a mature, resilient, independent young woman do you think she has felt more invisible and resentful of your life and opportunities?
If you answered yes to many of the above then I think your mother may have some problems all of her own, that whatever you do you cannot fix and unfortunately she may not choose to. Often the children of Narcissists (Narcissistic personality disorder) describe their relationship as you have above, and feel the failure of the relationship is their fault...but it is not, the relationship was faulty from the start and once the child becomes an individual the cracks show.
so sorry OP if this is the case. You may find the "stately homes thread" on relationships illuminating.
My solution is to love my mum unconditionally, but to find "substitute" older women for guidance and warmth...they are not my mum but they fill (in part)some of the gaps that she cannot.