Dh lied to me about money

[hovelsweethovel]

We had it out last night when I confronted him over all the unopened bank statements etc he's squirreled away, to be honest I kind of knew, but couldn;t face the argument. In some respects it wasn;t as bad as it could have been - we owe about £1000 he hadn;t told me about on top of our other debts. In other respects it is bad because he'd ignored final demands and we were days away from a county court judgement and bailiffs and he'd taken payday loans and defalted on them. No wonder our attempt to remortgage was turned down - our credit rating is absolutley shot to pieces and I am very cross and sad and disappointed. It's being lied to that upsets me, and that he clearly finds me too scary to talk to about these things.

1. he's an idiot
2. maybe he knew what your reaction would be, and he was trying to sort it. sure he went about it the wrong way, but he probably was just trying to save you from the stress of worrying about it.
3. pay day loan companies are a VERY bad downward spiral, get out of the loop ASAP or you'll end up in a lot of trouble
4. more importantly.... what is this £1k extra debt for exactly???

Financial irresponsebility is bad, and lying to you is worse in my opinion!

Have you had advice about managing your debts? The CAB might be able to help you get back on track.

Agree, but you need to accept some of the responsibility too for not acting on your instinct. Give him the chance to face up to this now (could there be more ?) and get impartial advice together - ie. no blame, but to sort it out. CAB is a good place to start for budgetting advice, identifying uncontrolled spending and addressing the accumulating debt, or there are other not-for- profit agencies such as CCCS. However unless he is honest now it won't bode well for the future either financially or as a relationship.

He's obviously been very stupid. He could have been specifically frightened of telling you or he could simply be in over his head and hoping that ignoring the whole thing would make it go away. I know someone that skipped town hoping the mortgage company would forget all about the £80k he owed and not ask for the money back . A lot of people bury their heads in the sand

Even though you're entitled to be angry, it doesn't really help you get out of the hole you're in. As a team, together ..... get the full picture of your finances warts and all, open all the bank-statements and face the real extent of the problem. Once you know the full story then go along to a free debt advisory service and set things in motion. Part of the process will be some very difficult & very personal conversations about spending, budgets, honesty and responsibility generally. Good luck