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Original poster

rows inf ront of kids..

29 replies

nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 11:30

ahd and i very happy but i regarad it as normal family life ( from family of 5) that oyu have the odd sharp word wiht each other in a day to day situation

i.e
when will you ave stop throwing coffee all oevr the wall bu the dishwasher" etc

he ( onyl kid) thinks this is HUGELY worng adn the kids will be scarred for life

i think kids need ot se m adn d rowing ( sporadically and briefly) ans still loving each other. btw no sulking generally

what to you all think and do

OP posts:
MaloryTowers · 06/02/2006 11:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 11:32

i really htink its normal

OP posts:
Nemo1977 · 06/02/2006 11:32

Dh and I row in front of kids..obviously not about serious stuff but as you say stuff like why has 2 yr old ds got better aim in the loo than you and he cleans up his mess!!!..lol

Angeliz · 06/02/2006 11:32

i think it's good for children to see that adults can row and make up and it's not the end of the world.
They will feel they have ALOT to live up to otherwise!!!

Feistybird · 06/02/2006 11:33

we bicker in front of the kids - never big shouty sweary rows, but sharp words, yes.

Don't do sulking in this house, feel that's far more damaging as kids don't know what's going on.

ponygirl · 06/02/2006 11:34

I agree with you cod (god, that sounds creepy). As long as the bulk of the relationship as seen by the children is stable, secure and loving, I think it's probably healthy for them to see the odd disagreement. I know mine do. Maybe that's why I think it. It doesn't happen often, but it's the reality of the situation and I'm all for children seeing life as it is, not some pretty-but-fake representation. They'll get a pretty big shock in their relationships if they think a happy relationship doesn't have rows!

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 11:34

yes sort of huffy talkign as you stalka round wiht a jay cloth kinda rows

now swearing obv

OP posts:
Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 11:34

after all they row

arf

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Flamesparrow · 06/02/2006 11:35

I never recall my parents arguing... the divorce was a huge shock to the system when it happened (that sounds like I'm saying that you need to row in front of kids so that they aren't surprised by divorce )... no idea what I am saying - just thought I'd share!

We row in front of DD - she generally takes my side because DH is useless at fighting, so stays quiet until I've finished yelling and burst into tears... she then sees that daddy made mummy cry, and makes him say sorry .

Its normal - kids who grow up thinking that everyone gets on all the time are going to be more disturbed than the ones used to the odd squabble. They're more likely to get very upset by arguements in their own life when they do happen. Oooh, that could be why ours always end in me crying - traumatised by the lack of fighting!!!!

mykidsmum · 06/02/2006 11:35

We have rowed in front of our children on occasion, but our children also see obvious displays of affection, kisses cuddles etc. Even when dp stomped out once they reacted okay as they know mummy and daddy love eachother but sometimes adults don't agree on things. Don't think it does kids any harm at is a fair reflection of life in general, it also teaches them that problems can be resolved.

doormat · 06/02/2006 11:36

if dh says or does something to get on my wick
there is no way I am going to just sit there and shut my grid coz the kids are around

yes we bicker
but we also do lovey-dovey too

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 11:36

yes ds1 puts his hands over his ears in a melodramtic way
get my goat!

my mum and dad used to haev monsters an then mum woudl get out tf hte car by a french motorway
they are still going after 40 years

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Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 11:40

I vaguely remember mum having these terrible rows once we'd all gone to bed. There would be a terrible atmosphere throughout the house and then once we were in bed the real rowing would start. Shouting, screaming, smashing things, she really let rip! It was quite scary for a little kid lying in bed listening to all of this.

To avoid that with my kids, we do row in front of them (although some topics are off limit until they are out of the way), not screaming rows but we have words and I have been known to storm out on occasion! But I think it's better that they see what is going on rather than imagining all sorts of nasty things happening, they also see us make up afterwards.

FrannyandZooey · 06/02/2006 11:41

I think rowing and making up is a healthy and helpful thing for children to see. If they never see parents rowing then they are going to get a hell of a shock when they have their first matrimonial and have no clue how to put it right. However I think hurtful destructive rowing, violent scary rowing, or rows where the protagonists seethe for days in brooding manner, prob best avoided.

poppiesinaline · 06/02/2006 12:10

DH and I row in front of kids. Nothing serious, serious stuff we keep til they are not around but I think it is important for kids to see arguements. We also make sure they see us apologising and making compromises and agreements. I think kids need to see this to help them know how to work relationships.

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 12:11

so i was ht only one whose paretns ahd entertainignly dramatic rows?!!
often on holiday

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Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 12:11

and yes get it abotu rowas at night
orus was lst night over dhs snorign

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Feistybird · 06/02/2006 12:13

My parents had some furious rows (big shouty sweary ones) but tbh, I never found them entertaining.

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 12:14

no suppose i only fodn the funny now

on french motorways always

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Feistybird · 06/02/2006 12:16

was it your dad's/mum/s driving?!!

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 12:18

they are very poppsosite in nature i think
they still bicker endleessly
and fault always has to eb apportioned much to hteir kdi entertianement

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GDG · 06/02/2006 12:19

Odd minor skirmish but nothing serious.

I think kids can tell if they really need to worry - some of my M&D's rows made me very sad but others I think were just normal! Anyway,I'm not scarred.

A bit odd if you childrne never hear you have a barney at all - it's not natural is it?

Original poster
nitfreecod · 06/02/2006 12:20

mum and dad - glass of water falls on floor totally by miustake

endless bickerign about whos fault it was
dh and i just tidy it up

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sheepgomeep · 06/02/2006 16:13

My parents used to have big shouty sweary, throwing things rows with each other. One of the ones that stick in my mind was when we all went on holiday to switzerland when I was 14. My dad was towing the caravan on the way back and got arsy with my mum because she read the map wrong (denied to this day by her) and we ended up in Holland instead of heading towards france. Anyway huge huge row ensued and she refused to map read for two hundred miles.. in fact she said bugger all at all. I had to take over the map reading for my dad and put him right. He's still grateful to this day

Me and dp always row in front of the kids.. only thing is he sulks for two hours or so and I hate that.

anniemac · 06/02/2006 16:31

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