I want to leave

[FloweryRuna]

Hi,

I posted on here last year because of difficulties I'm having with family. I'm feeling hated by my own child and hated by her dad. He used to love me, but now he thinks I'm a chav who's unfit to have any kids. I get the impression that meeting my relatives put him off me because they're not very nice people and I have nothing in common with them anyway. But he goes on about them being awful and he says I'm "common".

My daughter is off for the easter holidays and yesterday she fell over in the garden. She cut herself and wouldn't let me help her. She kicked me and screamed at me to go away. I had to take her to the GP who managed to find that LO only grazed herself. LO's dad is taking the whole holiday off work now because he thinks I'm unable to look after her and blames me for her falling in the garden. He said that I wasn't a very good mum.

I've been bullied at school because the kids thought I was "thick" "slow" "weak" and "ugly". I used to get a lot of illnesses as a kid btw and I was rubbish at PE. Ever since then people pick on me for similar things. No one cares when I get seriously ill. I've ben bullied at college and in work. I've been abused by ex bf's and picked on by relatives. Now my dd's dad thinks I'm "weak" "stupid" "thick" "useless" and shouldn't have had kids. We haven't had sex for about 3 years roughly and he find me unattarctive. I haven't put weight on but he's unflattering about my looks. I feel that I look young for my age but he disagrees and says I don't. If I lose weight he says I'm no different than before! Yet strangers comment on how young I look. A neighbour pointed out I lost weight but he said I've not changed. He made me feel as if I'm not very pretty either by saying that my hair and eye colours are not very good, and I look similar to this local family (who are nice people/grocers but they resemble pigs).

If I leave this house, I can't take DD with me. She doesn't like me. She often says to me, her dad and to ppl at school that I'm not in charge. She was unfriendly towards me when I went with her on a school trip last month. She is violent towards me and says she doesn't like me. She's a strong little girl but I can't cope. People on forums want me to have her because I'm the mum. I'm not as clever as other mums and I just want to be left alone in peace in solitude.

How do I go about quitting this house?

BTW her dad loves her and is good but I'm useless.

This sounds like a depressive episode to me. Have you seen your GP?

If your bloke constantly grinds down your self esteem like this, you need some relationship advice.

You might find some info on positive thinking helpful (but not a substitute for medical help). I suggest you google Sue Stone who is a guru of positive living.From her website you can get a book and CD which will help. Another source of similar thinking is The Pacific Institute - you can sign up for "The Winners' Circle" and receive messages of support designed to help you with positive thinking.
Good luck!

The other comment I'd make is that you are putting too much credibility on your daughter's views - she's a child, and as her parent you need to decide what you find it acceptable for her to say to you.

are you with her dad?
He sounds awful and abusive and hes turning your daughter against you. It sounds like youre starting to believe the horrible things he says too :(

It sounds as though your dh is horribly abusive to you. I think you should speak to Women's Aid and maybe see your GP as well as it sounds as though you're depressed. Who wouldn't be? Your DD has been poisoned by her father's attitude towards you. How old is she?

I really appreciate your advice and help. DD is 5 and yes live with her dad.

Your partner sounds very abusive, and your daughter as if she is being manipulated. You sound like you have lost all confidence and you are almost scared of your child. Lots of people on here, me included, will point the wrongness of this situation out to you. But what you need above all is real life help. What is happening is not good for you or your daughter.

Please find someone in real life who can help you, the suggestion of contacting Women's Aid is a good one. If things carry on like this it will do further damage to you and your child. Really feel for you, this is a horrible situation. I also suggest you confide in your GP.

Children occasionally say 'I don't like you' or get stroppy without meaning it. If she hears her father insulting you she'll think it's the normal way to talk, poor thing. It's horrible that you've been bullied your whole life but it's not too late to break the cycle. Do take the advice to talk to someone in real life like a GP or a Woman's Refuge.