what do i do now

[pinkkoala]

Long story cut short.
I want to divorce my dh, he can be really nasty, shouting at me and dd, gets right in my face and looks at me with eyes on stalks and screams at me in front of dd.
I have already been to a solicitor who has already sent a ltr re his behaviour and another one regarding my intentions for a divorce.
I dont want relate or mediation just want to get shot.
My dd is really getting upset and today has stood in between us and pleaded to stop.
He just doesnt care, i walk away with her, he follows and starts again.
He has also threatened to do all he can to have custody of her. Baring in mind he doesnt work at the mo, i am and pay everything, he is living here and contributing nothing.
He keeps saying his sister is desperate to get her hands on me.
And today has said if i go ahead with divorce he will be ready for a long run.
I have no family locally but they and my close friends have said that i cant carry on like this but i am so scared of him and what he might do that i dont know what to do now.
I am unhappy being married to him and just want to be happy again.
I have asked him to leave, but he sahd no, half his house, and why should he when he is living here rent and bill free.
My solicitor knows how he has been and is willing to file for divorce she also knows that i am sared of the aftermath.
What can i do.

Get away from him, give up your home, ring women's aid if you have to and get as far away from him as possible. 0117 944 4411 Please, do it when it's safe to do so and don't look back. This man will make your life a misery and you don't have to deal with it. Please, think of your child. Good luck.

DO you have family you and your DD can stay with? And work out the divorce from there? Any savings to keep you going for a while?

get away. he is being threatening to your and your DD. for her safety you need to leave
Good luck op i hope your ok

My solicitor has said about womens aid.
I feel that i put a healthy deposit down for the house which if we sold i would get majority back from the equity. This would help me and dd.
I have nowhere to stay where i live as family live 70 mile away and i keep thinking that i would have no money, no job and no school for dd.
Why cant he just see what he is doing to dd and me and clear off.
I dont feel i have any strength left to carry on, i am balling while my dd is asleep next to me in bed.

Involve the police, they will come round and forcibly remove him if necessary. Call the local station on the non-emergency number, ask for the DV unit and tell them that you want this aggressive man out of your house. You can also involve Social Services as his behaviour is harming your DD.
Knobs like him don't have superpowers, they don't get to have everything their own way, he won't* get custody, and if there is documented evidence of his aggressive behaviour, he won't get much in the way of contact either; it will be no problem to insist on supervised contact only.

You need some RL support. Please ring Women's Aid, they'll help you, if only to get things into perspective.

I am trying to avoid the police in case they say dd shouldnt be here, then get ss involved and they take dd.
I would be heartbroken.
He has also said he is going to go for main carer as he isnt working and i am, she is at school though. My solicitor said he may try that card.
She has told me to ring police if he gets nasty or his sister starts threats again.
I want to move on and do a private rent but have heard it isnt that easy as a single parent also not sure if i would be entitled to housing benefit, i work partime.
He has also told me if i took dd to my familys area to live he would go to police. My solicitor has said that if judge saw more family support and help that they would be inclined to agree with my reasning.

Unless the marital home is in your sole name, the police will not remove your h from property at your request.

Make contact with your local Women's Aid office www.womensaid.org.uk and talk to your solicitor about obtaining occupation and non-molestation Orders which will require your h to live elsewhere.

You do need to call police if he getting nasty as is only way to get this behaviour recorded.
No one is going to take dd away from you.
Unless you neglectful of dd then worst case is fifty fifty sharing her between you both . Look at after school care etc if you need to use that.

Look into how you could leave with dd as it is difficult to get someone removed when the worst is shouting etc.

Unfortunately joint mortage and deeds on the house.
He has also run up lots credit card debt, his name only and is going to say that i am responsible for, which i am not.
He wants to go bankrupt, advice from his dad.
Where does that leave me. Only house and council tax in joint names.

It isnt just shouting, he has pushed me, grabbed me. Do i have to go n.
Last wk he threatened to throw me out the car, we were taking dd to school. To which a member of public came to the passenger door, whilst i was getting out and getting dd out the bk, he asked if i was ok and told me to walk away. My h shouted that i was alwayp like this as i had mental probs, which i dont.

You can leave.
70 miles is not that far. Take a holiday and try to get residency rights. Otherwise, find a rental place.
And find a solicitor with expertise on finances, if yours isn't.

Ok so you should go to police and ask to speak to domestic violence officer and report these incidents so they on record.

Next time he shouts threatens pushes you leave and call police. .

Speak to women's aid. Can you call in your lunch break at work?

Pack a bag so you and dd can leave at short notice. Papers details bank accounts etc.

He knows you want to leave so he will step up his actions.
You need a leaving plan.

Friend locally to go to
Or a refuge or train to your family

Make a plan .

His agression means you can't live dd with him.

Can you go to family now for Easter break with dd leave him behind?
Then take few days off work while you speak to solicitors etc.

I would seek legal advice if I was you, if dh decides to go bankrupt wont you lose the house anyway...or you left with dh debts resulting in losing house. It sounds like dh is trying to drag you down in his finanical mess to trap you further?

So far it is dh word against you...you need either evidence or police logs. Do you have nanny cam that you can secretly set up and film dh behaviours?
Ou could even have 999 on your phone and press dial without dh knowing as they record their calls and ex being abusive recorded will also be evidence.

See a solicitor, talk to Women's Aid, you do not have to share your home with this man and nor does DD. While it may be (given his debts) that the best option is for you and DD to move and rent elsewhere rather than enforcing an occupation order so he is removed from the family home, you can get him out of your lives, pretty much. Get everything documented then contact between DD and him can take place in a contact centre

Thanks for the replies.
He has been nasty again today, i was working, dd didnt want to stay with him.
I cant get any rational answers from him when i bring up the divorce subject, he screams like a cnchee, has a strop, throw whatever is in his hand.
He is stopping at his mum and dads wed and thurs as my sis is coming over for a bit of girlie time.
He says his sis is going to his mums ap well so he will be forced into saying what i want, then phe is desperate to get hold of me. He does over dramatise.
How long does divorce take.
Can i name people that i dont want dd having contact with.
Does he have to get sols.
Why does he have to keep intimidating me, does he think that will make me want to stay.

Walk away, leave him to his mess - go and stay with yoru family and start a new life for you and your DD. Him and his family sound like a bunch of animals tbh, his sister cant wait to get hold of you? Charming. You need to get your DD away from him.

I agree. Just go.

I would walk too.

Fight for the money later. If you have a safe place to stay and start a new life, then do so.

File the divorce papers from your new place: just get safe with your daughter.
Women's Aid will help you.

You are in for a long haul but one step at a time.
First step is to physically get away from him. Think practicalities where to go etc.

Then begin the process to start separation legally.

He needs to do something pretty bad and have police called if you are to get him removed now from your home so if you can afford it then leave with dd and rent then get solicitors to sort out the house later.