between leaving and divorce. No man's land!

[scottishlassy]

Hello.

I have just left my husband. At the moment I am hoping that this won't be permanent, but have to be realistic. Even if it is permanent, actual divorce is a long, long way off and we aren't looking to put those wheels in motion.

So what happens in between?
I'm a SAHM, with a 3 yr old daughter. I'm currently at my parents, but they aren't local and I hope to go back to our home town after the easter holidays as my daughter is due to start nursery. It's also where my support network would be.

my share of our money is tied up in the house etc and I am not earning. I have no income other than the housekeeping from my husband.

I have no idea where to find out what happens next. Upon enquiring with a solicitor they were only interested if we wished to proceed on a legal basis towards divorce. (I'm based in Scotland - I know some legalities are different there)

Help please!

I'd talk to a different solicitor. They're meant to provide advice and information, not clam up unless you sign on the dotted line.

I'm sorry, this must be a very stressful time. I separated from my husband when my children were aged 3 and 1 and was similarly concerned about the financial aspect.

You need to speak to your husband and get him to agree to give you a monthly allowance. If he won't agree this, ultimately you would have to go the court route to secure it and as a guideline, for 1 child he will have to pay you 15% of his net income in respect of child maintenance, plus a further payment in respect of spousal maintenance.

Hope this helps a bit. I think the main thing is to establish what your husband's position is regarding whether he'll give you any money.

Might be a bit late for this but have you considered marriage guidance counselling? If you hope the split isn't permanent, maybe this could help?

I think you are saying you will be back living in Scotland soon, but with your parents in England now? If so, that would create problems giving you advice in England, but I can see that doesn't help you at the moment. If that is the case, I would arrange a solicitors appointment as soon as poss when you get back, I'm assuming you would get the free half hour/legal aid entitlement same as here, and contact the Child Tax credit office. I am assuming also the CAB would advise you about housing.

thanks.

I'm in Scotland now too. I don't envisage that my husband would withold financial support, but running two housholds (is that the right term? I mean two seperate living places) would be expensive and I'm not sure that he could cover both. Obviously I'm happy to go out and find a job, but I need to know/be a bit more settled first. And actually find one!

we tried counselling, but he refused to go back.

The solicitor was nice enough, but stated that their role was really all about the legal side (obviously!) and that to be aware that the process could run away with us and if we were't keen on divorce to refrain from going down a legal route too quickly. I understood what he said/was implying at the time, but now wonder where to know what to do now?

I don't get anything other than family allowance (or whatever its called now!) would I have to be divorced to claim anything else?

Its all so raw and new and rather scary. I wasn't sure who to ask and my sister suggested you guys. I'm

You don't need to be divorced to claim Tax credits. Just let them know your change of circumstances. Don't know whether you would get Income Support from Benefits, or if that is under something else now (no recent knowledge).

You don't need to answer this, but is there a reason you cannot live in the marital home? It belongs to both of you. You have equal right of occupancy.

If you have no income and are separated from your child's father then you can claim child tax credits. You can only get them backdated for 3 months so best to crack on and make the claim - this can be done online. FYI maintenance payments do not count as "income" for the purposes of claiming tax credits so even if your husband does start to give you an allowance, you can still claim tax credits.

I could go back to marital home, but DH won't leave :-/

Plus i couldn't afford to pay the mortgage. I can't imagine i would get any help to do that?

Ok, I get you. Probably wouldn't get any government help with the mortgage, not sure, Citizens Advice would know. You would be able to force him to sell the house I presume, but obviously all takes time. If you need to rent in the meantime, you would probably get housing benefit though. You will be ok, its just a very scary time. x

Have sent you an inbox message.

Thanks parsley x

Some solicitors specialise in mediation. Could you find one of those instead?

www.ondivorce.co.uk/mymediation.htm

www.lawsociety.org.uk/choosingandusing/howtosolvedisputes/mediation.page

www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=19