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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to do

10 replies

paris100 · 02/04/2012 14:50

I'm fairly new to this, more of a lurker, so any advice would be gratefully received.

We have separate bank accounts, DH is quite keen on saving his money, all bills get split in two as we earn more or less the same salary. I am currently on mat leave after DC3, so at the moment, am just getting SMP. Prior to that, I worked full time although I now need to reduce my hours with having 3 DCs.
Anyway, during an off the cuff conversation at the weekend, DH says he would like to reduce his outgoings. One way he wishes to do this is by cancelling his life assurance, which, at his age (late 40s) is about £90 per month. This life assurance was taken out to cover the mortgage etc if anything were to happen to him. I have one too. DH's father died of heart disease in his mid 50s, so I see it as a necessity, after all you never know what's around the corner.
I would also like to think, and I'm not trying to be morbid or anything, that DCs (all under 5) and I were looked after should the worst happen. I have a few policies of my own as I would like my loved ones to be protected.

I asked him what we would then do if anything happened to him...his answer would be we would have to sell the house.

I feel he's being a little unfair on us as he can afford the payment. He also manages to save every month and we don't really struggle. Ok, we don't have fancy hols etc but we do ok.

He doesn't want to discuss it.

I know some people see this is a luxury. I would just hate to think that something were to happen to me and my loved ones,especially my small children were struggling as a result. I know also that the likelihood of the worst happening is small but maybe I'm just overly careful.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/04/2012 14:52

Don't your mortgage company insist you both have life assurance?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/04/2012 14:55

I thought most mortgage companies required some kind of cover? In any case, if he's been paying £90/month, he's either being ripped off or he's got some seriously risky health problems. At the grand old age of 47 my mortgage balance life cover is only £10-ish a month. Maybe he should shop around rather than skip it all together?

Has he got financial problems he's not telling you about?

paris100 · 02/04/2012 15:41

Oh yes, I forgot that the mortgage company insisted on life assurance - I'll remind DH about that, thank you for reminding me!

Cogito - he has no health issues, I just thought it had something to do with his age. I've asked him to shop around for a cheaper quote but he 'doesn't want to chop and change'.
When I get a minute, I'm going to get some online quotes for him.
He's got no financial problems, just likes to hang on to his money!

OP posts:
Tattymum · 02/04/2012 16:48

I asked him what we would then do if anything happened to him...his answer would be we would have to sell the house.

WTF?

Tattymum · 02/04/2012 16:56

I'm sorry, that wasn't helpful. I'm just stunned that your H thinks it would be OK if your 3 DC lost their father that should also lose their home.

Tell him to grow up that being a father is for life and if life is cut short he needs to provide for when he's not there. £90 a month sounds a lot. We are both in our 50s and have life cover for around £65 for both of us and we have a huge mortgage.

GnomeDePlume · 02/04/2012 17:12

I think your DH is massively overpaying on his life insurance. I am mid-forties, massively overweight and am paying £35/month for £150,000 cover. DH is late 40s and if memory serves is paying £25/month for similar cover.

GnomeDePlume · 02/04/2012 17:14

And just to be absolutely clear, the chances of your DH dieing at some point are 100% unless he is immortal.

NatashaBee · 02/04/2012 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/04/2012 17:23

Have you asked him how he feels about the death of his father and his own mortality? I know someone who started acting quite strangely as he reached the age his own father died at. A sort of twisted fatalism took over... 'I'm not meant to live longer than my dad anyway' and other rubbish. After he went past the magic number and was happy he wasn't going to die, he calmed back down again. Maybe your DH thinks that if he doesn't insure his life, he won't die?

coppertop · 02/04/2012 17:26

Your dh sounds selfish. He would rather have his children lose their home than look around for a better life assurance deal? No doubt he would be quite happy to benefit from your policies if you were the first to die?

"He doesn't want to discuss it" usually means "He knows he's in the wrong but can't think of a good enough excuse to justify his behaviour."

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