The Grandparent Problem

[GnomeDePlume]

Not a intended as a GP bashing thread - posting in sorrow not anger

How do you deal with the question of DCs spending time with Grand Parents when the DCs dont honestly want to and the GPs dont yet realise that they just arent up to it anymore?

DMiL phoned last night to ask if DCs would like to spend some time with them (DPiL) over the school holidays. DH didnt automatically reply, just said that he would need to check with me/DCs to see what plans are already in place.

We asked DC3 what she thought. Her answer was 'it depends on whether we are going to do something'. She explained herself fully. If they go, DH will deliver DCs to DPiL's house. DPiL will not be properly 'up' yet (does not matter what time DH arrives). They wll be ambling around in dressing gowns. Breakfast wont have been had yet. DFiL will be sent out to buy more bread/bacon etc.

Eventually at around 12ish they will be ready to get on with the day however it is now lunchtime so they will go to Tesco to get lunch, stopping off along the way to run a couple of other errands. The walk round Tesco will include many diversions and stops to talk to friends and acquaintances.

Lunch will eventually be had at around 3pm. DPiL will then find themselves sat down in front of the TV, coffee will be had, doughnuts will be broken out.

DH will arrive at around 5.30 to take DCs home.

The DCs will be polite throughout but will have been as bored as all get out. They dont want trips, they would just prefer to 'do' something. GPs have the best of intentions but just dont get on with anything.

The wafting around until lunchtime sounds a lot like my parents too!

Tbh, unless your kids actively hate going to their grandparents, I'd keep pushing it.

I had boring visits all my childhood to my grannies, but that's how I learned about my family, and about obligation etc. Looking back, I'm really glad I had that connection when I was a kid.

Life isn't all wahay and gameboys.

I think a little boredom is good for DC's personally. The world doesn't revolve about them and it's good for them to realiase they're part of a family that includes old, boring people that get up late, potter about, like having lunch at Tesco etc. ... It's one day. I pack DS off to GPs for a whole week with his Nintendo, some books and a few new DVD's that GPs might enjoy. Other than that, I let them get on with it.

We have tried taking over the wii etc but their home is very cluttered so these things are difficult to use without risking injury or damage. Board games can be an issue as DFiL insists on reading all the rules through before the game can be set out.

The problem is really that they just dont get going at all. They mean well but somehow time runs away with them. They dont see it themselves.

It saddens me that this is going to turn into a duty visit. It is a time passing thing, a sign that that no one gets younger.

They sound like very nice children. Does it help if you or DH stay and engineer some activity? Actually sounds like how I feel about visiting DH's parents. They waste half the day too and it used to drive me mad. Now I just make sure I arrange something with SIL and the DC, so at least we are a bit active. Could they take craft things to do? Or a suitable 'family film'?

Have you talked to the Pil's? And explained the children are older now.

As far as i am concened, the children have given their half of the deal, the are polite in their boredom.

The Pil's need to step up and meet the other half of the equasion (sp?)

Balance must be found, for the children to be willing to keep visiting the Pils.

We had the same conversation and now my adult children happily visit the Gpas.
And We taught them how to play wii. they are all over 76, and closer to 87yrs ol)

I think your DH needs to have a quiet chat to his parents. They obviously haven't a clue that what they regard as happy pottering is boring to their DGCs.

If they want to see the teenagers then they need to make the visit a little less tedious. Or teenagers will vote with their feet.

I have had to have a similar chat to my parents and things have improved hugely. It was just that they hadn't a clue what to do. Once I made some suggestions (they now have wifi, have plenty of teenage-approved food and drinks in and suggest DGCs bring a few DVDs with them to watch with GPs) things looked up and everyone was much happier.

Well DH has had a chat with his parents. Problem solved, they did realise that the pottering was no longer a valid entertainment. Instead DH is taking the whole lot of them out for the day!

I'm glad it's sorted. They really are lovely (if infuriating for those without much free time) people.

Thank you for all the advice.

Good news Gnome- I hope everyone has a good time.

Thank you! The really good part is that I'm excused!