So, what do you do when....

[heartbroken2012]

you realise that for you he is 'the one' ; but for him you are not 'the one' ; or to put it another way; that I love him more than he loves me....

been together 18 months. Both 40's; both divorced. for me, this is it, everything I have been waiting for, everything I wanted in a partner.

rather sick realisation this weekend that, what ever he says, this is not really so for him. Feel absolutely devastated.

if he does this then hes not really everything you ever wanted in a man is he>?

He is who he is

I don't really see the connection between your original op, the thought that he doesn't love you as much as you love him, and your following description of his thoughtless behaviour.

What i mean is i don't understand why you have decided he can't love you as much as you love him because he has said something hurtful. I don't think it works like that.

He could love you with every inch of his body but that still wouldn't make him perfect.

It sounds as though he must display perfect behaviour to you now that you have decided he is the one, and nothing less will do to satisfy your notion of what true love is.

It also sounds as though your self esteem is low, otherwise your wouldn't attribute his behaviour to how much he loves you but would rather see that its about him.

I can see where you are coming from op.

without knowing what the comment is, is a bit difficult, but you have asked him not to say it and he keeps on saying it, knowing it hurts you.

Even if it is him, you just can't handle it. It is obviously something very personal, that you have explained touches a nerve and affects your confidence?

as a long term married, monogamous person, I still agree with sgb

if my husband fucked off tomorrow, I would (after a variable period of getting over it), find someone else who could fill his space

there is no such thing as The One

because it would be a right fucking problem if my "One" lived in a igloo in the Antarctic, wouldn't it ?

Agree with that too- there isnt only 'one'.

Oh I'm sorry ,
maybe breaking away from him will do your self esteem some good.

You're over-thinking this. I know because I have been guilty of over-analysing everything until I was only looking for bad stuff and completely ignoring all the nice things he did.

He wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to. Men don't think very much about this stuff...we read way too much into things.

And remember, no relationship is perfect. If he makes you happy more than he makes you sad, you should persevere. If it's the other way round, move on. I know, easy to say, but you can..

Sorry but repeatedly saying something that upsets the OP, after she has told him it upsets her a lot, that's a fairly big negative sign. If, for instance, you (hypothetical you) had let your partner know that you had previously suffered MH problems, and you found it particularly hurtful to be called a 'nutter' even playfully, wouldn't you expect your partner to avoid calling you 'nutter'?
(OP, I don't know you, don't know what your sensitive spot is, and if I've hit on something close to it it's pure coincidence). Or if a partner repeatedly expresses (for instance) homophobic or sectarian viewpoints despite you having a dear friend or family member in the demonized category.

It's fine to dump a partner for upsetting you/irritating you/not doing what you want. The worst that can happen if you dump the partner is that you stay single and that's not, actually, a bad thing.

If you continue a relationship because everyone tells you you're over-thinking and you shouldn't be too fussy, because after all a woman without a male owner partner must have something wrong about her, then worse things could happen than being single. You could have your personality systematically ground away by a man who doesn't like women and believes in using your particular weak spot as a way of controlling your behaviour and punishing you if you are not sufficiently obedient and respectful.

Have you made it VERY clear to him that you don't want this thing said?

If he keeps saying it when he knows then he is a bully.