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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So it is always my fault...

19 replies

dontpanicbuypetrol · 31/03/2012 23:03

Yes it is always my fault, silly me.

Moan, shout, scream. Always my fault. He is on holiday for a week. Could not bare to talk to me civilly, but this is in my head.

He had to go to work today, yes on a Saturday, whilst on holiday. But I am unreasonable and his problem is me. It is just me, I cause all his problems...ok.

He wants a new car AND furniture. We cant do both in the next few months because of prior commitments, loan pay off and holiday. But because I said no to both at the same time. I don't have control of our finances, I'm not doing my job and I am financially controlling him.

We are loaded in comparison to some, no mortgage, etc. Worrying about furniture or new car, I get this. But like everyone high costs and taxes. Rising daily. So we have a holiday to pay for, a loan to pay as we said we'd be debt free. So this is what we are doing this month. He then wants new furniture and a car. We cannot do this in one month, we will require longer to save. I am the only one who worries about this, he expects a gold mine at the end of the month without realising the costs of the household.

I am also a fat bitch slag with thunder thighs. This isn't true, I used to be really fat. I have lost 4 stone in 4 months with diet and heavy exercise. After a heavy chest in the morning. I lost it for HEALTH under the Dr. I feel great, really pleased and confident. I am back to being my pretty, thin self. He really hates me now. Buys me donuts etc, seriously. I went out this week and he said if any men spoke to me (it was a lot) it was because they knew I was a slut...

Just what is the point, I have grown weary of it all

OP posts:
HugeFurryWishingStool · 31/03/2012 23:18

Yes, what is the point? He sounds bloody awful.

Is there any compelling reason you're with him?

inatrance · 31/03/2012 23:21

No it is NOT always your fault, he is a nasty bullying twat, how DARE he say such nasty things to you!

Run, run for the hills, this it not normal, it is abusive and you need to get out, or he will completely crush your spirit.

Have you told anyone in RL what's going on? Please ring women's aid, they can help you.

chipmonkey · 31/03/2012 23:36

Wow, he sounds absolutetly horrible! Don't feel you have to put up with this. Does he have any redeeming features at all?

BustersOfDoom · 31/03/2012 23:52

No it isn't. And the thing I have learned is that there are no medals awarded for putting up with shite for years and years. My best friend's DM died suddenly aged 47 and my DF died suddenly aged 54. Neither of them were in shitty relationships but it just made me realise that none of us have time to waste on people or relationships that aren't making us happy, life can be very short and it isn't worth wasting on fuckwits. You must put yourself and your DC first and walk away. As hard as that may sound after a couple of months you'll only feel relief to be away from such crap.

BustersOfDoom · 31/03/2012 23:54

And I should add that I'll be 45 this year so 47 and 54 really aren't as far off as they used to be. That really focuses the mind and enables you to filter out the time wasting shit out of your life.

clam · 31/03/2012 23:55

Do you have any children? If not, get out. Now.
Why wouldn't you?

akaemmafrost · 01/04/2012 00:33

He is an abusive, disgusting twunt and I would leave skid marks I'd be gone so fast!

Bossybritches22 · 01/04/2012 00:36

You deserve better.

You should get out.

You CAN get out.

Life is too short.

Keep talking we can help you....do you have DC's?

MorrisZapp · 01/04/2012 00:38

Arguing about furniture is normal.

Calling somebody a fat bitch slag is not.

What's stopping you ending this relationship?

dontpanicbuypetrol · 01/04/2012 01:18

Three kids. I gave up my career. Yes I'm stupid. He says he hates me one second, then I'm perfect the next.

Hates generally spending time with me. Oh no one else would want me and the kids with my baggy fanny....so. Anyway baby is awake. Back later.

OP posts:
AgnesBligg · 01/04/2012 01:26

He is a cunt.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/04/2012 01:33

I wonder if your weight loss has anything to do with it. As in; did you knowing you were overweight rob you of your confidence and self-esteem - and now that's not the case, he has to do it himself? Because it must be so much easier to control you and keep you completely under his thumb if you lack confidence and self-esteem.

Yes, I do have that low an opinion of him.

hairytaleofnewyork · 01/04/2012 06:22

Not getting the "leave unless you have kids" angle.

The fact that you have kids is even more reason to find a way to leave.

The way he treats you is seriously wrong.

lifechanger · 01/04/2012 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lifechanger · 01/04/2012 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midwife99 · 01/04/2012 07:21

Oh love please don't believe the things he says! My abusive ex used to say all sorts of awful things & that no one else would want me etc etc. When we finally split (he served divorce papers when our baby was 6 weeks old as a mind game & I didn't contest it!) men flocked round me like flies. He was soon on his knees begging me to forgive him & take him back. The pleasure I took from saying to this awful twunt "Why would I want to be with someone like you, who treats women like shit? Go away & never come back" was fantastic. The children don't deserve to grow up thinking this is how men treat women whatever sex they are. Your "baggy fanny" can be toned up with pelvic floor exercises - his abusive brain cannot! You are a goddess who made beautiful children inside her body. He is a skid mark who needs a boil wash!

AbigailAdams · 01/04/2012 07:21

I agree with lifechanger, shed him and your whole life will seem a whole lot lighter. You deserve better, your kids deserve better. He deserves to be out on his ear. Horrible little man.

MorrisZapp · 01/04/2012 07:59

Superb posts ^

DaisyAndConfused · 01/04/2012 08:00

What midwife said, especially the bit about skidmarks! Grin

Seriously though, you deserve much better. Get out now!

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