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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I ask him to leave?

4 replies

shin1 · 31/03/2012 14:56

I am not sure if I'm looking for advice or just want to moan! Myself and my husband have been together for 13 years and have 3 boys. About 7 years ago he got made redundant and since then has had a series of crappy jobs and has gradually got more and more depressed and angry. Last year his sister died from cancer and we had been looking all her kids and his family, they are all quite horrible and turned on him in a really nasty way. This caused him to have a bit of a mini breakdown. I suggested he go to counselling to help deal with the grief and pain. However, what seems to have happened is that he has turned all his anger onto me and the boys. Nothing we ever do is good enough and he is so angry with us all the time. The boys are starting to notice and my eldest (11) has been playing up both here and at school. I am finding that I have to defend my children in front of them and get OH to lay off. I have a really demanding full time job (teacher) and I do all the running around with the kids. I tend to do all the cooking, homework etc. My OH used to be so laid back and caring, now we have nothing to say to each other, no intimacy and I am finding myself groaning when he starts ranting. Weekends are the worst as he just doesn't stop and by sun eve I am so angry with him. He says that I am making him out to be the negative feature and that all the trouble is his fault. I have been so supportive esp last year when his sister was so ill. I took teenage girls into my home and looked after them only to have it thrown back in my face and I have put up with daily abuse from the rest of his family. I am always the one to back down and I think I have had enough. I do love him but I don't like him at the moment, he is so verbally nasty. I know he is not himself but this has been getting worse for years:-( I suggested couples counselling but we actually can't afford it as we are paying for his private counselling as well. Thanks for taking the time to read this xx

OP posts:
NewHouse · 31/03/2012 15:01

It is hard. He is ill, he is hurting the children teaching them bad behaviour. I think you have to give him an ultimatum and mean it, go on anti depressants or else. Take extended family strain out of your immediate family, tell them he needs a break till the end of 2012, they will have to cope without you for now when you deal with getting him better.

AnyFucker · 31/03/2012 15:01

He needs to go to his gp and get help, or get the fuck away from his family and go take his demons out on someone else

ImperialBlether · 31/03/2012 15:30

He is clearly unhappy with you, so living apart shouldn't give him too much heartache. He is angry with the children, so he should spend some time away from them until he learns how to behave.

As for you, your life can only improve if you have a time apart. You're doing all of the work anyway and you're suffering at the weekend when you must be exhausted. At least when you're not at work you would have some peace.

I know what I would do in your position.

tuffinmop · 31/03/2012 20:06

You poor thing it sounds awful. My dh had a kind of breakdown last year and we have had a lot of family stress ( my mum dying and other stuff) It is still stressful as hell at home and I wonder if there will be an end it. Just wanted to send you good thoughts and hope it gets better for you. As for advice, I would suggest a trial seperation whilst he gets his head straight.
Thats what I am going for next if we can't sort it out.
All the best x

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