Arabella, I really sympathise with what you're saying. My own mother is and always has been utterly (and deliberately) useless at offering any emotional support; she's one of those who gets very obstructive if you try and talk about anything (not necessarily personal to you) "heavier" than the weather, your holiday or what's on telly. So no support there ...... I've gone through a number of crises in my life and she's ignored me for months on end, to avoid having to talk about stuff, and believe me, she doesn't know the half of it.
My DP, on the other hand, gets a huge amount of emotional support from his family. In fact, it sometimes makes me feel uneasy because I think he reveals far too much of our business to his mum. He also has a best friend (plus others) dating back to schooldays, so has quite a few people to "turn to" if needs be.
I don't have anyone (apart from DP, and, depending what's on my mind, that's not always appropriate) to offer me emotional support. I've moved a lot in my adult life for various reasons and as a single mum until fairly recently, constrained by finance and babysitting, lost touch with lots of people (who were once very close to me, and with whom lots of close experiences were once shared - in both directions) as it became practically more and more difficult to see them. I've found that even if you were once very close to people with a mutually beneficial "confiding" type friendship, some of that ability to be frank is lost if you don't see them very much.
I'm now in the situation of having moved - again - just over a year ago, and apart from being on nodding terms with near neighbours know no-one here. I have a 2 year old toddler (and am a SAHM, who works evenings and weekends F/T hours for crap pay) but am reluctant to go to mum & toddler groups ......... reason being, if I'm honest, is that I'm actually scared of making friends. I know that sounds really stupid but what I mean is that I have so much crap going on in my life right now (no money, huge ongoing problems with DP's ex & kids, us working our socks off just to keep afloat, us being ships that pass in the night, no "us" time, let alone "me" time, our relationship hanging on by a thread really due to all this, health problems etc) and I am frightened that I would come across to anyone friendly as far too desperate !
That may sound silly, but isn't it natural when you start to get to know someone to ask about their homelife etc. and I either lie and pretend all is well, or else I dump all this stuff on some poor woman who only thought she was coming round for a coffee. When you have longstanding friends, like DP, or understanding family, they can usually take this on board, having known you for ages and understanding your background. But I refuse to put so much "pressure" on someone "new". I myself have been in situtaions before where I've been friendly to people I hardly know and next minute am getting their life story in graphic detail ..... whilst not unsympathetic, it made me feel awkward, not knowing them, not knowing what to say ..... and I am simply terrified of coming across like a desperado myself.
Having written all that, I know that I'm in a viscious circle. I don't have a "confidante" now and will never do so unless I get out there and start laying the foundations of what would hopefully evolve into longer and closer friendships. Trouble is, I do feel in "desperate" need of someone who cares enough about me to "listen" NOW - not in a year or so. It's very very soul destroying to feel more or less on your own like this and I hate it .....
..... But really don't know what to do. It's something which is often on my mind and which in itself depresses me (I don't think I am depressed BTW, just incredibly fed up about my current circumstances). I get very down thinking about how past friendships seem to have slipped through my fingers and spend a lot of time questionning whether I could have done more to save them (don't think I could, the loss of my friendships really were largely down to practicalities) ..... all I know is that I really miss having people in my life who I could call whenever, and about whatever, I wanted (and them trusting me to do the same).
Sorry ..... seem to have somewhat hijacked your post, and haven't really offered any answers. It just obviously hit rather a raw nerve with me. I know exactly how you feel ......... your last sentance really summed it up "How ... tied down ... so you can't even go out, do I build a network of real friends that can help me to feel alive and loved ?"