When you go out on dates>

[KarmaK]

who pays for the first 1 to 3 dates?

You do ask a lot of questions Karma. Are you writing a book?

Is this the wrong forum for such a question Time for??

If I asked someone out on a first date, I'd fully expect to pay. If I had paid for the first, it'd be polite for them to pay for the next. Then split the third

So glad I don't have to deal with all this!

I would expect to pay my way from date 1 frankly. If I'm going for drinks I would expect the guy to be a gent, and get the first round in. ) Then we would take turns after that. If I was going for dinner I would insist on paying for my half.

I'm a modern women, with my own money. I find the concept of the man paying very old fashioned. Of course if he's a tight arse then that's another kettle of fish. My friend went on a date last week with a guy who only paid half even though his meal had been (considerably) more expensive. Then he let my friend pay all the tip because he said he had no change!

My experience has always been that the man picks up the entire tab on the first, second, third dates. I've found that when I offer to pay they won't let me even pay my share. I'd thought that was the norm but in speaking to other women it seems it is not that normal these days.

KarmaK Could you send some of the men you are dating my way please? I don't think a man has paid for everything on a date since I was in my teens.
But seriously, I honestly don't think that men should pick up the tab. If they did it on the first date, I would insist on doing it for the second.

I thought this was the norm. LMAO

I always offer to pay my way, but I'm not going to argue if they insist.

I think the idea is to pay your way so as to feel under no obligation

As with Hairy, I always split the bill, but if they INSISTED, then ok, but I prefer to share the cost. Why not?

Do you think this is connected with your tendency to go out with boundary-pushers, Karma? If I went out with someone who isn't a whole lot richer than me, I would insist on splitting the bill. It's quite easily done, you just tell the barman/waiter as well as your date.

Even if my date is a lot richer, I'd make sure I bought a round of drinks or something.

When a man insists on paying, despite my having said I wanted to share, I will let him pay but not see him again. That's because he hasn't respected my stated wishes or my equality.

Ooh, garlic, I think that's harsh that you wouldn't see him again as he may be just trying to be old-fashioned/gallant in the nicest way, wouldn't necessarily have implications for him overall seeing as first dates can be a bit awkward. I'd see it a bit like the way men love being asked to open jars for women, for some it makes them feel manly..

I didn't do much dating but I would definitely offer to pay for the first date but accept if he was going to pay. Would definitely pay up on the second date, I think.

Do you think this is connected with your tendency to go out with boundary-pushers, Karma?

No Garlic. All the men I've even been out with, even just for one date, pick up the tab for the first few dates. Some of them have been lovely, some not so nice. It's just how it is done in my experience. Indeed, not only in my experience but in many other women's experiences. There was an interesting article in the Daily Mail a while ago though about this very subject. Men admitted that they would only pick up the tab when the woman seemed like the type who was used to being wined and dined. The rationale given by them was that this was they had to do to be in with a chance. They said that if it was a more laddish type of woman (or when they weren't particularly attracted to the woman) they'd gladly save the money and let her go dutch or pay the tab.

they would only pick up the tab when the woman seemed like the type who was used to being wined and dined. The rationale given by them was that this was they had to do to be in with a chance

That just makes me think Yuk! I dislike the implication that a classy woman has to be bought. I really wouldn't describe my dating self as "laddish" (or my present self, actually) and the whole rationale you quoted gives me the creeps.

Some - very few - blokes have made this type of thinking apparent while insisting on paying the whole bill. When I said insisting, Mooncup, I meant overriding my stated wish.

Karma, what would you think of a woman who ignored her date's desire to pay or split the bill, saying he was so gorgeous she felt she had to cough up to be in with a chance??

Karma, what would you think of a woman who ignored her date's desire to pay or split the bill, saying he was so gorgeous she felt she had to cough up to be in with a chance??

I would think she had a rather unusual approach. Although I actually think it's common for "cougars" to behave like that.

When men do it I just accept that they are old-fashioned, the same sorts of men who hold car doors open for women and offer to carry heavy luggage for you.

Hmmmm.
So, if a guy thinks he will have to buy his way into a woman's knickers, he pays the bill.

Glad I have always paid my way. Wouldn't fancy being perceived that way.

Me neither, Beck.

Have you noticed how much stereotyping there is in the two and a half lines of your last post, Karma?

I spent all of my early years paying half. Now, though, I would expect the guy to want to pay for the first few nights, but to prefer the woman to offer.

In my opinion, if the woman doesn't offer, she's not worth it. If the bloke doesn't pay, he thinks she's not worth it.

Not just my opinion though; it's based on what men have told me.

Depends, although in my experience of recent dating most men tend to offer to pay at the beginning. I will always offer (and mean it) to split though or I will insist on buying drinks etc if they insisted on paying for meal.

I went on a date last weekend and paid for the meal (he was in the bathroom when the bill came). It was £38 and when he came back I said he could sort the tip out and get the next round in when we went to the pub afterwards. He got out a fiver and asked me for change because he thought £5 was overtipping. This was in London too. When I said I didn't have any change, he rather grudgingly left the £5 but made it clear he thought he was being generous and tipping over the odds.

Depends. I usually offer to pay then again I don't carry cash (no I'm not the queen!) and I dislike nothing more than splitting a bill around several cards.

If the bloke doesn't pay, he thinks she's not worth it.

This is indeed true.

I went on a date last weekend and paid for the meal (he was in the bathroom when the bill came). It was £38 and when he came back I said he could sort the tip out and get the next round in when we went to the pub afterwards. He got out a fiver and asked me for change because he thought £5 was overtipping. This was in London too. When I said I didn't have any change, he rather grudgingly left the £5 but made it clear he thought he was being generous and tipping over the odds.

Yuck! Did he at least thank you for paying for the meal? Was this a first date?

Did he at least thank you for paying for the meal? Was this a first date?
You know, I can't really remember if he did or not. I was too busy being taken aback at that £5 thing. Given he'd just got his meal paid for the price of small tip and a drink - we'd been buying rounds earlier anyway so it was quite possibly his turn to buy a drink anyway.

Yes, it was a first (and only!) date.

And actually, I paid impulsively while he was gone because I had a feeling he was going to be weird with the bill. He also checked it because he thought it was 'a bit much'.