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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you date someone who is unemployed?

45 replies

toptramp · 29/03/2012 21:41

There is a nice looking guy on a website. He's unemployed. I know that we live in tough economic times and many of us are in the same boat; he could be looking and/or between jobs. He has a degree etc. WWYD?

OP posts:

Abitwobblynow · 30/03/2012 07:31

What tempted says.

I would be very suspicious, in that employment is a mark of maturity and this is a big red flag.

So, what is the pattern of his unemployment? That is very important. It would tell LOTS about his attitude of entitlement, his ability to negotiate, how realisitic he is in his worldview (vital in mature relationships, otherwise the vast majority of us wouldn't be unhappy and there wouldn't be so many cocklodgers about);

or whether it is plain temporary bad luck and he has a plan. But a pattern of short lived jobs? RUN.

FuzzzyDuck · 30/03/2012 07:44

I dated a man for a while who was unemployed. Was a big mistake. Got to the point he was happy to sit in every weekend and while that was nice to start, it got a bit boring. I'm always one to pay my way, but it was getting to point I was paying for everything plus picking him up/dropping home to his flat all the time cause he had no money for taxi!!

purpleroses · 30/03/2012 07:49

So if starwisher's right, maybe he's really stinking rich, and trying to scare off the gold diggers

Then again, he could just be unemployed, 3 million are....

squeakytoy · 30/03/2012 07:50

Being unemployed doesnt mean you are skint...

WaitingForMe · 30/03/2012 08:00

Not really. DH lost his job when we were first dating (long distance) and while I was sympathetic, he quickly picked up that this changed how I was viewing the relationship. I didn't end it but I stepped back.

I actually encouraged DH to leave a job that was making him miserable and supported him for a while a few years later but that's relationship stuff and we were engaged at the time.

My ex was a bit of a loser (although always employed) and I promised myself I'd never settle for a less than successful man again. I work for my side of things and wanted a man that could match that.

BlackAffronted · 30/03/2012 08:02

My DH was unemployed when I met him... he now has a decent job with an average wage and we own our home.

Heswall · 30/03/2012 08:07

Normally no but these days it wouldn't be a major concern but I'd be getting to the bottom of why quickly.

PooPooInMyToes · 30/03/2012 08:17

Wow waitingforme! You backed off from him because he was temporarily unemployed!? Er well . . .

Im surprised he didn't dump you!

Can you imagine the post on here . . .

I've been seeing someone for a little while and its been going really well. Recently though i lost my job and although actively looking i am a bit skint. Since this my boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to see me much and has distanced themselves emotionally.

The responses . . .

What an arsehole.
Obviously just after your money.
You're better off without them.
Dump him/her and find someone who isn't just after status/cash from you but will appreciate you for who you are.
Keep you chin up, you'll get a new job soon and probably a new nice girlfriend who is not a twat.

ameliagrey · 30/03/2012 08:19

I'd go ON a date and find out the back story.

It's the thin end of the wedge isnt it? someone might say they would not date anyone who didn't have a degree, or a masters, or a PhD- depends on your starting point.

I would not rule anyone out simply because they did not have a job at this exact moment- especially in the current economic situation. Bankers are unemployed!

AllPastYears · 30/03/2012 08:26

Plenty of people have spells of unemployment. DH is highly educated and a high earner, but not so long ago he spent a year out of work in the downturn. I've had several months out of work too, not by choice - this doesn't define either of us as a person.

But would I date someone who was long-term unemployed? No. Smacks of laziness/lack of ambition/lack of realism (e.g. thinking that book you've been writing for 10 years is actually important)/lack of personal responsibility/difficulty in forming a work ethic/etc. Hope this helps!

WaitingForMe · 30/03/2012 08:40

I'm fully aware it was harsh PooPooInMyShoes but money matters to me. Once I'm committed then obviously it's different but after getting out of a bad marriage I had a clear idea of what I wanted from life.

It would have been perfectly reasonable for him to dump me for it. It was his choice to accept me for what I was.

PooPooInMyToes · 30/03/2012 12:09

Waiting. But it was temporary. Its not like you met him and he hadn't worked for a couple of years because he couldn't be arsed, and he wasn't likely to ever work again or become a bum just because he was between jobs. Imo that was quite an extreme reaction from you. I am amazed he didn't just think you were a money grabbing, superficial waste of time and dump you!

Im glad you've worked out what matters to you but if its money thats your priority . . . !

Your right it was his choice to accept you for who you were, its just a shame you couldn't accept him for who HE was, temporary unemployment included.

Heswall · 30/03/2012 12:26

The trouble is my DH has been temporarily unemployed since 2008.
Now I love him and we will work through this but if I was dating him now he'd be of no interest what so ever, he could not join in with hobbies, come on holidays, nights or days out etc what sort of life would that be for a couple ?

MadameChinLegs · 30/03/2012 12:33

I would, but I wouldn't move in with, get a mortgage with or have kids with someone who was still out of work (by the time all of that came along, I'd have expected there to be some work being done).

MadameChinLegs · 30/03/2012 12:34

Oh, and I would still expect to be able to split the bill etc, for him to pay his fair share.

AWomanCalledHorse · 30/03/2012 12:39

I would go on A date (given the current economic climate).

I dated an unemployed bloke a few years back & it didn't work out because he was unemployed & unmotivated with it, he also expected me to pay for everything (I would be alright if he had said money was an issue, did I mind paying for xyz, but to expect it is a bit off).

SardineQueen · 30/03/2012 12:42

When I was younger, yes, and regularly did

I would date someone now who was, if I were single.

But I wouldn't want a serious relationship with someone who was long-term / permanently unemployed / no desire to get a job.

WaitingForMe · 30/03/2012 13:04

PooPooInMyToes (not shoes - sorry). DH knew I owned my house so I wasn't a gold digger.

I come from a family of entrepreneurs and a problem with my ex was that he was't the kind of person to make things happen. One of my best friends was a SAHM struggling to get back to work so she started a business that was a stepping stone to work. I empathise with people who are unemployed, of course I do! But I know plenty of people who refuse to be passive and let employers have all the power.

Not everyone can do it and I don't judge those that can't. However, that's not something I'd settle for in a partner. I want more.

glamourousgranny42 · 30/03/2012 16:16

My current bf was unemployed when I started dating him. He had been a stay at home dad looking after 3 kids until his wife left him. Not much work up here but he's now working and I'm glad I didn't pass him over because he wasn't working when we met

PooPooInMyToes · 30/03/2012 16:20

Waiting. Poopooinmyshoes is a good name! Might have that next name change!

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