Woman & Children hostals/refuges

[stormynight]

Hi, I'm a regular here and I'd really like your input on this if possible.

Next year I am hoping to open a hostel where mums can come with their children, not neccessarily escaping from a violent relationship , just a place that doesn't require a huge deposit, is warm and inviting, clean, meals provided, a room with internet access and benefit/childcare/employment information.

I have been homeless myself but when I was younger without children and was rehomed in a B&B with no support - it was frightening and I was with my partner!

I would really appreciate any experience of these types of places - what was good/bad or even if you have no experience what would you want to see in a Hostel?

What are the options available to people who have no family to turn to? I have lots of work to do in the next year but felt this was a good place to get a broad range of views.

TIA

bump

This sounds like a lovely idea, but is it practicable?

One good idea, but totally not doable, would be to check tenants for criminal activity, like drugs, theft etc that could make other tenants' lives miserable.

Stairgates are always good. Ditto baby monitors - something you might not think to pack if you have to leave in a hurry.

Councils will only fund a certain upper limit, and single mothers fleeing from violent partners are generally quite poor and looking to receive housing benefit, so you need to consider the price your council would be prepared to pay, and whether you can run your hostel the way you want for this price.

If you can, I think you will find yourself stuffed to the gills as soon as the SS find out you exist

What sort of people do you want staying? If you object to teenagers, it is usually best to say so before the SS send a mother with 2 teenage sons and a girlfriend of one of them in tow.

Thanks for your reply Colditz
The criminal/drugs part does worry me too. There are plenty of hostals in the area but mainly for men. I am possibly being too idealistic but I was really hoping to have a lovely house full of nice normal people who just need a place until they are back on their feet again without the stress of staying somewhere unsuitable or where they are not welcome.

It's tricky isn't it? I wouldn't want to put my family at risk but thinking about it over and over it feels like I could make it work. I wouldn't allow men in the hostel even to visit, anyone causing trouble (inc drugs) would have to leave - it would be zero tolerance.

I presume going through the DSS is the only way to offer the service, these are the sort of things I need to find out.

a lovely house full of nice normal people...? I think you might be pushing it a bit there TBH - much as I think your idea is lovely.
I remember reading an article about a woman whose husband was beating her and the police offered a =her a place in a hostel. Her reply was something along the lines of "Are you joking? My children have never even visited a council house...why on earth do you think I would take them to a hostel?" Sounds a bit snobby but I think I know what she meant.
I agree with colditz

Hi SN, a close relative of mine stayed in secure sheltered housing for nearly two years.

Key issues seemed to be:

*Break ins by partners and ex partners (weekly)
~hence, many refuges will only take women and children if they feel certain the ex/partner will make no attempt at contact and often request no contact (including phone in case she releases details of whereabouts under duress) between woman and ex/partner for a minimum of 6 months.

*Stealing between occupants of other occupants belongings.

*Child protection issues.

*At times physical fights amongst occupants.

*Apathy towards seeking help/taking advice/counselling.

*Drugs

Key groundrules were:

*No male visitors overnight.
*No male visitors who hadn't been cleared by CRB check.
*No minding of children other than their own, in the complex.
*All occupants to be back by 10pm or locked out.
*All mothers to carry baby monitors whenever leaving child in the evening (after bedtime) to take part in activities (bingo, art, role play, education). Unbelievably, this had to be reinforced time and again!
*All occupants assigned a 'key worker' with whom they met once a week, for an hour, to discuss childcare, job opportunities, education, rights, housing, benefits, etc.

I know you are bound to do so in time, but I really think how you define the home is pertinent.
i.e. A B&B for mums and children would negate a lot of the above yet give the clear impression of being a haven. You could still make available all the advice and support you'd wish to give.

A refuge would, due to the very nature of refuges draw people under considerable mental and emotional stress and the dynamics would adjust as such, morale would inevitably be more precarious.

A hostel vs refuge would be difficult to define, in terms of groundrules and expectations I think. I haven't personally been to either but have been at a point where I've been offered an emergency place.

HTH

I SO WISH THERE WAS ONE ROUND HERE RIGHT NOW[SAD][SAD]

Oh Ebbie, sorry you're feeling that way right now

Levanna - thanks for the great post, the B&B haven is what I would hope to achieve.

It can't just be violent drug takers that need somewhere like this though, where do regular women go?

just found this ... i think it sounds lovely. i wish there was something like that round here!

Also, make sure you're on your local FreeCycle internet link. You can get lots of unwanted toys, baby clothes for free. It could make things a lot easier for mums who need a change of clothes or toys to keep their kids distracted.

Stormy, what a fab idea. I'd have loved it 6 years ago, fleeing DV. All womens refuges were full, the only place free was in a mans shelter

Do you know as a fact, there are more dog / cat shelters in the UK per head, than womens refuges?
Have you contacted Refuge themselves and asked them? They are a wealth of information!

I'd say go for it. I volunteered at a homeless soup kitchen a couple of years ago up London for a day over Christmas. Enlightening and humbling I think are the more appropriate words.

Best of luck Stormy, let us know how you get on x x

i have a question about mother and children hostels. do you get your own room or do you have to share with other families?

i was in a refuge just shy of 6 months.
ours was actually very nice.

we each had our own largish room and the whole house was setup for women with children so eahc room had a set of bunk beds and an en suite.

there was a childrens play room open 3 days a week for those children either too young or not yet able to be placed at school.

a member of staff usually visited during the day.

each room was assigned a cupboard which was lockable with yoru room key. fridges were just short of one each and cookers were shared...first come first served basis but there were plenty to go round.

comunal area's were rarely used but were comfy.
there was a counciler that came in once a week and we were all encouraged to speak to her at least once before we decided whether we wanted to see her or not.

my experiance was obviously a good one given some of these responses but i guess thats because mine was a refuge for survivors of DV rather than people who just had no home.
we were all very gratefull of teh help we were given.

Own room - usually all in one room (Womens Aid shelter here has 1 family per room - usually mum in a single and kids in bunkbeds in a double room)

I don't quite understand the people you want in your refuge, SN. Do you want to open it to DV escapees? They are regular women - none of the ones at the refuge I volunteer in are drug takers/dodgey - although they are all VERY stressed and very prone to arguments.

What "normal women" do you know that would move out from home to a hostel? This is where my confusion comes - usually "normal" people either stay where they are or move house traditionally because they have "normal" happy lives. The people that need a bed in a refuge are typically not "normal" and are fleeing violence, abuse and other things.

Have you spoken to Womens Aid/Refuge/Shelter to see what advice they can give?

ohhhh [penny dropping emoticon] Do you mean families that are homeless - been evicted etc?

do the rooms have locks on them?? if so i don't understand how things can get stolen?

Not always NA and sometimes if you have a shared bathroom, you leave the room unlocked whilst you pop to the loo and the housemate takes an opportunity.

oh i just assumed the rooms would have locks on them. that makes sense i guess.... oooh i'm not looking forward to being homeless!

no that's what i wanted to know!