How long is the “honeymoon period”?

[WineGoggles]

Are there phases to relationships? Most of my relationships have been short term, with a few being up to 2 years, and I?ve found that the rose tinted glasses come off at about 2.5 months, followed by a split at 3 months. I reckon 3 months is the maximum someone can watch their Ps and Qs and try to be something they?re not. But what?s the next phase? I?ve been with my DP for 10 months (and to my amazement we're still really into each other!), but in the back of my mind, after reading all the horror stories on here, I wondered how things go wrong and if there?s a common time? Is there such a thing as the 7 year itch?

It depends on a lot of things - mostly the quality of your original decision, wanting the same things in life, being flexible about disagreements and - above all - keen to keep making each other happy. I used to know a couple that, even into their eighties, thought each other were the most marvellous people they'd ever laid eyes on. Still held hands in the street and that kind of thing.

?I used to know a couple that, even into their eighties, thought each other were the most marvellous people they'd ever laid eyes on?
Aww, I love stories like that. Thanks CES :o

Depends if you are with the right one or not.
I used to find after about 6 months to a year the rose coloured glasses came off and I'd start getting fed up, but then I'd stick with it anyway because I thought that was just how relationships worked. Those little habits you find cute at the start of a relationship soon become the things you hate the most about someone!
I've been with my DP now for 2 years and it still hasn't worn off!! We obviously don't watch the ps and qs any more but we still really enjoy each others company and even though we have had our problems (lunatic exes and step children being the main issues) we've never really fallen out. I can't imagine anything happening where I wouldn't want him in my life - he makes everything better and I still look forward to seeing him every day. He is definitely the one, but it's a shame I didn't meet him till my 40s.

We got married after 7 years together and in April we will have been together 8 years, so no 7 year itch here :)

I think it's all very much relative as Cogito says.

I've only had short relationships really, ever. Nothing longer than four years, well, maybe a bit of to-ing and fro-ing after that iyswim, but anyway, mostly it's been a few months and they've been unhappy from very early on.

And then sometimes I'd be trying so hard with my head to justify and rationalise all of it, because I thought the person would make a decent partner on paper, and actually, I wasn't really into them at all.

You only see the difference when you meet someone youre totally into in a massive way. Then the time seems to go really fast and suddenly you've been together a year and you hardly even noticed. Because you're always just living, and looking forwards.

I think you can fall out of love, well almost, but someone you love that much you won't ever really stop being in love with just a teeny, tiny bit. Even if cognitively you can't stand them. The attachment remains because you have something very strong between you in terms of being similar, understanding the same things, etc etc. That stays the same.

So heartened by this I do now believe two people can be in love all their lives, whereas before, I don't think I really understood this.

I can see now that had I settled for one of the men I thought might be 'alright' for me, without the big love thing being involved, I'd have been missing something hugely important, which in the end, just comes along and happens to you if you keep waiting.

I don't imagine falling out of love with DP for a very long time. If ever. I mean, who really knows, but it's in the present, really in the present and that means it's working RIGHT now, not 'if one day he did this' or 'he could be really great if such and such changed' or 'I think I am starting to like him'. It's just full on, immediate, 'this is it so hold on tight!'

And if one day that stops it will still have been worth it. You sort of don't get a choice...if that makes sense!?

Three years married till the adrenalin rush wore off. I was quite glad as it was exhausting

Now, it's just about perfect 18 years on...

"You only see the difference when you meet someone youre totally into in a massive way. Then the time seems to go really fast and suddenly you've been together a year and you hardly even noticed. Because you're always just living, and looking forwards"
That is so true. I know it is right with DP because it is easy. All my previous relationships have been hard work all the way!!

Nearly 12 years together and it just seems better and better.

He still gives me butterflies and we are affectionate and very much in love.

It's different than at the beginning, but it never got worse or more boring, just that our closeness and love was based on knowing each other better and going through more together.

Now have 2 children and another on the way, have been married nearly 5 years.

Kaluki, yes, that's exactly it. It's easy.

I don't remember anything being easy before. All the things you worried about - things someone might not like you for, insecurities, it just disappears doesn't it. Very hard to imagine it being this easy, before it happened

Congratulations, aThing!