Utterly fed up, lonely and generally pissed off

[ChickenSkin]

I'm 30 years old, full time student and mum to 2 pre/teen children. I've been single for 7 years. I don't understand why. I'm not ugly, I'm not overweight, I'm not crazy or odd but I never get any interest. I do go out with friends, sometimes as often as twice a month but never get chatted up. The one time I did it was by a guy who was chatting up everyone and would have shagged anything available.
My friends are all married or at least attached. I feel like I'm destined to be alone for ever and it's stressing me out. I just don't understand what's wrong with me!
I'm starting to feel so melancholy about life in general. What's the point in saving up money to see the world when I have nobody to see it with? what's the point in looking forward to the weekend when I'm going to be stuck home alone anyway?
I know having "a man" isn't the be all and end all but it's nice to feel appreciated and loved and have someone there - an adult - to actually talk to, right? I try and get by alone, I'm studying, I go out with friends, I do go abroad every other year but I'm sick of doing everything either alone or with my mum!

I have a shitty little house, a shitty little car - 3 years at uni and I'd be lucky to get a job after it - the whole world to me right now is screaming "what's the point?"

I'm single myself so possibly not the best person to dish out advice or reassurance. However, I wanted to say there's nothing wrong with you. Having been chatted up possibly once in my entire life in a pub/club situation I know I have far more success if men get to know me first via work, hobbies, friends of friends. If you're anything similar you're best just being sociable, doing the things you love and, one day, a man that enjoys the same things will probably catch your eye. It is miserable sometimes being single but there are worse fates if you hook up with the wrong person :) Good luck

ChickenSkin, something has gone wrong with the internal voice in your head, as you have done amazingly well, you have two children, a house, a car, heck, I haven't even got a house myself!

You sound fed up and unappreciated, that easily happens when you are a single mum, it does feel like everyone takes and no-one gives back. However, your children will massively appreciate what you have done for them in the future.

In terms of your love life, go out there and get a job, it may not be a wonderful job to start with, but if you are persistent, it will happen. Who knows, you may meet someone at work, someone at a bus stop, online dating, probably not someone in a club or pub, I don't know anyone who met someone for a long-term relationship that way anyway. What about internet dating, or a dating agency in your area? I don't think just going to pubs is the solution.

It?s a cliché I know, but I have found the ?you?ll find someone when you?re not looking? phrase true. It?s as though we project a sadness or desperateness when we are actively looking for a man, and this isn?t attractive. But then we can?t help wanting to look eh? I went from short term crap relationship to crap relationship for 20+ years until I went to uni as a mature student (doing a course with mainly men) and befriended the man I?m with now. We were friends for a year before we met each other outside of uni, and even then I wasn?t sure I wanted a relationship because of upheavals in my life. Plus I always had a bit of a negative view of moving from friends to lovers; once they are in a category I find it hard to move them to a different one IFKWIM. But I?d say he?s as near to Mr Right as he can be, so I?m glad I went against my better judgment at the time and gave him a chance.

Perhaps try getting involved in activities that attract more men than women? That way you?ll be having fun rather than looking (or at least you can try and think that).

Thanks for the replies. I can't get a job as I'm a full time student (with 37hr a week placements) and even then, my course and future career path is dominated by women.
I used to really enjoy martial arts which you'd think was quite male dominated but the class was full of little kids, it started to feel like I was helping out at an after school club.
I agree people don't tend to meet "the one" on a boozy night out, I need to stop thinking about these nights as potential "dates" and just get out and enjoy myself with my friends.
I am on POF - currently talking to one guy as I'm too shy to send my picture out incase I get nasty comments!

POF is not the way to go! I found it was full of sad married old Pervs!!
I think you need to change your attitude.
Stop thinking negatively, find something you enjoy doing and forget about finding a man. If you do meet one in this frame of mind it won't work anyway, or you will just attract the wrong type.
You need to enjoy being on your own and gain more self confidence. When you get to the point where you are quite happy to be by yourself, that is when the right man will come along as that in itself is an attractive quality to have.

I agree POF is not the way to go....I found most men on there were only after one thing....and that won't make you feel any better about yourself. Start believing in yourself-you are pretty, you are sexy, you are loved by your children and you are following the career path that you want. You are a strong, independent woman and when you are least expecting it-it will find you-have faith. I too am a single mum to 3 DC, all under 14, and their father has them for 4 nights a month, so I make the most of those 4 nights and make arrangements to go out and socialise with friends. Don't go looking for love-let it find you-but have fun along the way :)

Chicken you know, you can feel lonely, stuck and pissed off even when you are in a relationship.

You do need to find things that interest you, be part of a club, meet people. not with the idea 'Oh like this I will meet the man of my life' but because you enjoy it. You enjoy the activity or the people and would do it just for that.

Surround yourself with people that appreciate you and listen to them (It is very easy to gloss over that and not 'take on' other's compliments).

Plan ahead and always ensure you are making the most of the time on your own. Plan activities, visits to friends, family etc...

And believe in yoursefl that you ARE a nice person, that nice things do happen to you, that you have achieve something and there is a point in your life.