Hi
I'm at a particularly low point this evening and need to have a moan and seek some advice. I've posted before but not for a while.
H moved out 5 months ago after a year of soul-searching and councelling. No affair, no abuse, just an awfully long time of no support, no love, lots of nastiness and undermining, no feeling that he would be the person to look after me no matter what, ignoring me if I was upset etc etc. I've probably explained it better before, but never mind.
Anyway, I asked him to move out and he did. He rents a room so no space for the kids there.
So, he comes to the family home (me and the 3 kids still there) 2 evenings and 1 day at the weekend.
In some respects this is fine - it means the kids are always sleeping under my roof, where I want them to be.
And then night like tonight and last night where he just can't talk nicely about something. Leaves me to give reasons to the kids about why he's not coming on a particular outing adn then has a go about what I have told them (he was there - apparently I was making up a story - eventually he realised i wasn't) etc etc etc. Ending a conversation because he didn't want to go on, but in such a nasty controlling way that makes me feel about 2 inches tall.
When he was here at the weekend it was ok (civil, relaxed) - I foolishly started thinking maybe there was a glimmer of hope, should i suggest we go for a quick drink or something (he's been going on for a long time that the only way we can ever hope to get back together is by spending more time together -his ideas involving a 6 hour outing or something crazy - way too much for me!)
And then arguments tonight. I feel so foolish - it's probably why we ended up together for 8 years and have 3 kids. Things never ran smoothly, but I loved him and wanted it to work, so anytime there was something small and positive i'd think 'great, this can work, we can do this....' only to be sent back to square one a few days later.
If i tell him that I don't like the way he makes me feel when he talks to me, he says it's tough, my problem, and i just don't like his personality. He tells me he wants things to work but then has a like it or lump it attitude. In the 5 months since he moved out, I've not seen the behaviour of someone who desparetly wants to get their wife back.
Not sure what I'm really asking.........the real answer is to separate formally I suppose.
I can't live without my kids though and have no way of escaping all of this. I didn't want my life to be like this.
Feel so sad :(
Please excuse bad spelling and waffle.