He can't be, can he? :(

[delilahbelle]

Poking through DH bedside drawer for loose change. I found an unopened box of condoms. We don't use condoms, and certainly never those ribbed and dotted for pleasure :(

He works away Mon to Fri, and we havnt been asking much recently. I've put it down to life stress, we've both had colds. I just don't feel connected with him.

Tell me I'm worrying about nothing.

But then what reason would a man in a relationship have for buying condoms? :( :( :(

Just checked a couple of boxes I bought at exactly the same time at some point within the last 4 months. One box expires 2014 the other 2016, with that sort of variation I wouldn't rely on the date to indicate that he bought them recently.

If there is nothing else that would have made you suspect him playing away, then I wouldn't let this alone to undermine your trust in him.

I really hope everything works out for you. Got everything crossed for you

Didn't want to read and run delilah. Hope you can have a proper talk with him this weekend and put your mind at rest.

He wouldn't have left them there if cheating!

I have to say that if I found a box of condoms I wouldn't assume my partner was having an affair. Admittedly, I am possibly naive.

In your first post you said that they were ribbed and you were very about that - do you remember using ribbed condoms?

To be totally honest though - he would have to be insane to leave them in the drawer at home.

Just bloody ask him, just say that you are looking for reassurance that he hasn't been unfaithful

Regrettably I know of one husband who was caught out in exactly the same way. Like a lot of cheaters, he just got complacent and thought his wife wouldn't look in his bedside drawer.

I also think your husband's reaction was odd when you confronted him. Given that he's got the opportunity being away from home, I'd be looking for other signs. Sorry.

Just been on FaceTime with him, he's still properly ill and full of cold and in bed in his digs. Completely normal - he said they were probably at the back of the drawer and he might have pulled them forward whilst looking for something.

I have no other reasons to not trust him - but with him working away and not much decent time spent together recently I think our relationship needs some work.

And I'm going to bin the damn condoms.

If you trust him, throw the bloody things away and forget all about it xx

People have said he wouldn't leave them there if cheating.

My friend is a counsellor and she says that it is often the opposite. I was telling her about another friend who had caught her dh out when he left a love letter from ow in his car. My counsellor friend said this type of thing is relatively common - cheaters will often 'sub-conciously on purpose' leave evidence where it can be found.

I would keep an open mind - cheaters can and do get careless often when they become complacent thinking they will never get caught.

I know of at least one poster on MN whose husband got caught when she found condoms in his drawer.

Are there any other signs - possessive with phone/laptop, being distant/critical?

Oh honey, I know you've had a really tough time lately and little things will throw you off a bit. I agree, if they were for him to use when cheating he wouldst leave them is his bedside drawer, especially if he knows you go in there regularly.
One other option is that I know you'd had a discussion where you agreed to give ttc one last push, maybe he'd bought the condoms when he thought you were going to stop trying? Or it's more likely the innocent thing from when you were having the fertility treatment. Try not to get too worked up about it.
Hope you get some rest tonight.

I would assume he would have the condoms with him, if he was playing away..... If they are in your bedroom, then I would assume they were for use in that bedroom.....

^
Yeah, maybe be so but with who?

I would be very suspicious. But I'm an untrusting old cow who has been hurt before and thinks everyone lies just like that.

I think if he had been up to anything he would have gotten aggressive and turned it on you .. why were you snooping etc .. (seems to be part of the script)

Keep an open mind and see if anything else odd going on that ring alarm bells ...

Strange place to leave them if he was seeing someone during the week, ie away from home.

Would he have the opportunity to use them in your house?

The expiry date sounds like a recent purchase.

Hang on, hang on - you said they were 'ribbed and dotted' and that you'd certainly never used those?

If you said it that definitely, I think you'd remember if you had!

So. They AREN'T from when you last used them.

I would wait until he gets home. Lull him until then - don't mention it. And then sit him down and with a big smile say - 'We've never used ribbed and dotted condoms. They aren't from when we last used them and the exipry date shows that they are new. What's going on?'

But the box is unopened so he might have bought them to use with the OP? Expiry date is within limits I think...if they're just over a year old.

The thing I'm focusing on is that he would have had them with him, in his work van or bag if he intended to use them with someone in that context.

If there is no way he could have been having or planning an affair with someone nearer to home, there would be no point keeping a box of johnnies in the bedside drawer. I doubt hewould go so far as to place them there, consciously hoping to be found out. Leaving a receipt in a pocket is one thing but deliberately putting something somewhere it will not be needed is another.

The box is unopened though. So I assume what the op ment was a pack bought at the last time hey used them. BTW op a pack I bought in the last few months is exp Jan 2016

Stealth....

sorry meant to be a

just at crossed posts.

Delilah, look again at your post from 20.00 Wednesday, after you confronted him.

He seemed a bit evasive?

Chatting with you right now, when "he doesnt normally bother".

I just say this because I believed my lying h quite a few times over a few years before I discovered the truth. And funnily enough, although he always convinced me, he did used to make a big effort to hurry home/call back etc when he wouldnt have normally whenever confronted to talk about my find and smooth things over. He was damned good at it, too. But now, looking back, in our case it was his guilty conscience and panic which made him want to recontrol the situation and find out how the wind was blowing.

May be your h is innocent, but just a thought.

I thought that too fiventhree and its why I am advising an open mind and to keep an eye out for other signs of an affair.

fiven that also stuck out for me ...

OP Anything that doesn't ring true or isn't normal (in my case for example - "just keep watching that I need to phone 'Brian'" or going out of the room to make calls ) made my gut sink and I just knew that there was something going on .. I just couldn't prove it and it was constantly denied ..

... however I got aggression whenever I questioned anything (why are you earywigging? etc) which you didn't get (maybe he's smarter than my STBXCH) or maybe he's innocent?

Madabout, I have done alot of thinking about the past six years, and earlier.

I see some things differently now than I ever could have before I knew for sure he was capable of cheating.

He accidentally gave me alot of clues over the years about how is is capable of operating, and how he goes about it. The longer the deceit, Ok more fool me for believing, but on the other hand I have plenty of good clues to look out for in future!

Evidence or no bloody evidence!

Sad to turn so suspicious when I was previously so incapable of it, but not my fault.

Yes, you do become more attuned to clues however subtle these may be - as you can imagine, I felt so stupid when I realised I had missed these when my H was shagging OW but then I had never dreamt he would be capable of doing this.