Moral dilemma...

[Geordieminx]

Random will try and keep brief.

One of my parents had and affair 18 months ago with someone who lives in another country. Mostly online but v intense, meeting twice abd talk of running away together.

Other parent found out, tough for a whole but they managed to get back Ob track.

The "other person" has just contacted me out of the blue, on whatsapp.

Do I

tell parent that had affair
Tell other parent
Tell person to piss off
Find out what they want
Ignore and say nowt?

Totally torn, and feel a bit sick to be honest

I would ignore or tell them to go jump dependant on m mood at the time. Did they say why the had contacted you?

Number 3 for me. I'd keep well out of it.

Find out what person wants, else you will always wonder. Then tell person to piss off.

No just a "let me l know if you get this"

Was tempted to give parent heads up, just incase ? Have a bad feeling Bout it all

Ignore them and say nothing.

Just worried its all about to kick off big style

1. This happened to me. My dad is an alcoholic and met a woman from Canada on a forum for alcoholic. He actualy moved there for 3 months before coming home again. My Mum played a good game of pretending that they weren't getting back together. Of course they did.

The OW called me last year and I told her not to contact me again.

My dad is now back on the booze and worse than ever. I've had to tell both Parents to leave me be after dad gave me a drunken mothful and I don't let the kids go to them, which the kids don't understand. It's all horrid.

While down at my Parents' house before I told them where to shove it, I found out that my dad is igned up to several dating sites (Mum is useless with tech so wouldn't know how to check history. I had to show her where the address bar was.)

He's also mouthed to family members recently taht he regrets nothing.

There is so much more I could say but this is your thread.

Bottom line is she's been involved with your family long enough and you should tell her to stay away.

All the best.

How on EARTH did this Other Person have your number?

Sounds like they sent out a batch of messages to a few people tbh.

IGNORE.

Then if they come back again... Number 3 without a doubt.

I think my parent gave it when they were together on a "just incase basis"

Have ignored. Still got a bad feeling though

ignore, ignore, ignore, pretend you didn't get it.

Change your phone number. Do not get drawn into this.

Ignore. Definitely.

There is no dilemma. You don't know this person and you don't want to know this person. End of.

From the sounds of it, it kicked off big style some time ago and if you blow on the dying embers at this late stage, you may not be abe to contain the resulting blaze.

I can understand why this person contacting you has rattled your cage, you must be worried it's all going to come out/kick off in your parent's marriage, but as everyone else has said: keep out of it. It's not your business and it won't help if you get involved. The person is cheeky to contact you, show your dislike of their behaviour by ignoring them and not giving them the time of day.

I agree with most other posters that ignoring the contact is probably the most sensible thing to do to avoid inflaming the drama BUT in your shoes I'd really want to reply so I could find out what they wanted. Otherwise I'd always wonder... Not saying that is the right approach though by the way!

I'd be tempted to message back and say
'sorry who is this?'

See what they say back and then decide if shes just trying to pick at an old scab to remind you she's still lurking....

Then decide to say 'it's not appropriate for you to message me. Please delete my number'

I have told parent.... There didn't appear to be a huge amount of "shock"

Which parent?

I would credit the OP with the intelligence to have told the parent who institigated the affair and who, by default, also instigated the subsequent unwanted contact made to her, ionysis.

In the OP she lists her options and includes telling either parent. Hence my question.

As the OP has lifted the lid of Pandora's box taken action, it would seem to be a question based more on spurious curiousity that actual need to know, ionysis.

than actual need to know.

Are you the self appointed mumsnet question police?

Yes the parent that had the affair.

Well at least you have handed the problem back into the lap of the person who OUGHT to be sorting it out. Very poor form to bring you into it, whatever the circumstances Geordieminx. I hope your folks manage to work things out and you don't end up having to parent your parents if you know what I mean. Its horrible seeing them go through this, no matter what your age.