About 7 years ago my husband went abroad for a year to work. He came home every other weekend. Whilst he was away he started having fantasies about me and him and another man in bed. When he came home at weekends he would tell me that he had arranged for a 3rd man to join us. I was terrified and just flat refused. Then he started urging me to have an affair. Again I baulked.
Coincidentally 6 months later I did meet someone and because of my husband's previous behaviour I didn't hesitate. And so an affair began. It continued for 5 years until he moved away. Now we still contact each other, but we've become good friends. My husband never found out and we kept it discrete. I must admit that affair/friendship saved my sanity.
Meanwhile during these past 7 years my husband had always remained detached and passionless towards me. We've had sex, but it's infrequent and passionless. I've tried to improve things for us. I hired a nanny a year ago so that we could go away for a couple of nights alone together. We've been away 3 times, twice with other couples and once alone. We had a fab. time with the other couples. But our solo trip to New York was an eye opener for me.
It was a 3 day trip. Partly business for him and a getaway for the two of us. I booked us into and incredible hotel. I really wanted to go and visit a jazz club. My husband is a musician and he loves Jazz. He met up with his business collegues for a few hours everyday and then we went off and did our own thing. But I soon realised, when we were alone together, he was quiet and incommunicative. He wanted to be out with his work collegues. When this dawned on me, it was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water at me. It was gutting. We never went to a jazz club. He told me that he hated the New york trip.
His elderly mother recently moved into a village nearby, I helped her move and sorted out electrical goodies etc. A parcel had arrived for her and I went to the post office to collect it. My husband saw it on the dining room table and said : Did you collect this? and I flippantly replied: No it materialised. To which he answered: Twat!
I can't stop crying. I spoke to my husband and told him how that comment felt. I said I couldn't carry on anymore and I want a divorce. He just looked at me and carried on working. He hasn't said anything else to me other than polite conversation.
I can't stand it anymore, it's driving me round the bend. What should I do? he refuses to talk about it, he just walks away.