Feel I am being used

[Marshmallowflump]

The thing is met this lovely man 14 months ago, it ia a distance relationship , 100 miles between us, but thought it could work as we fell for each other.My main moan is that he has not introduced me to his kids he has 4 all grown up, met the parents once by accident and his sister. He also lives in a house which needs alot doing to it, it is all getting me down, and i feel it is easier for him to come and stay with me, now i feel like his bit on the side , which i know is ridiculous as we are both divorced, butthere it is . We are supposed to be going on holiday this year but my head says I do not want to go on like this, he has met all my family and friends, think i need my head looked at to put up with it!, thanks for reading my rantings.

It does sound rather one-sided. Sounds like you need to have a 'where is this relationship going?' conversation soon. He either sees you as a part of his future, in which case he needs to treat you more as one of the family and make more of an effort to include you. Or he sees you, as you say, as a convenient women with a nice house (never underestimate the attraction of a nice home), who warms his bed from time to time but otherwise is kept at arms' length. Good luck

Thanks for your generous words and thoughts , you are spot on , but we have had the "talk" along time ago and he assured me he wants to spend his future with me he is 6 years older so retiring soon, but your right he does need to include me more if only!, dont know if i can hang around and put my life on hold while waiting for him to be ready, but thanks again.

14 months is a long time not to have met his children, when they are grown up and (presumably) their parents have been divorced for quite some time?

I agree with Cogito, if you want more than a semi-casual relationship, you should say so and be prepared for that not to be what he wants. Hope it works out for you.

I agree and , along time not to have been introduced makes me feel I am not good enough but know it is his problem NOT MINE, HO HUM , thanks anyway, just feel confused,com today.

Certainly don't hang around waiting. Beef up your social life with friends locally. Meet new people or take up new activities. Be rather less available and accommodating. If you're his convenient version of a social life and suddenly he can't pop down for the weekend because you're busy doing something else, it might make him stop taking you for granted. You may also decide if he's worth the effort. :)

I was in this situation once upon a time.

I stayed for just over 2.5 years. Suspected after the first six months that the relationship would go nowhere. XP assured me that it would but it didn't!

Looking back, I would have cut my losses early on. My gut feeling is pretty accurate and I listen to it now.

Thanks for the good sound advice Mrsflower, i NEED to listen to my gut instinct and follow it through.

To tribot, yes he has been divorced for 10 years but ex-wife clingy type opposite of me , I have lived on my own for 20 years, just feel sad that i would let someone use me like this , and feel a dumb glutz to let it happen, why was i so taken in, I ask myself I am I the needy one ?, nope can live without this , but thanks again appreciate it.

CogitoErgoSometimes, thanks and yes i have taken up new interests and been out on a night on my own with old friends, wise words and reassuring i am doingthe right thing, just pisses me off , why men play such silly games.