feeling pressured - need advice

[saladsandwich]

i know this lovely guy and we are good friends but he seems to want more than friendship... he knows i'm not up for dating but he seems to be trying to sly his way in, wanting to pop round to mine as a friend, wanting to take me and ds out for the day (i've declined) chatting to me all the time on fb...

i don't want to hurt him, but i just don't feel that way for him i feel no attraction there... i've told him im not up to dating and why, i've told him what a cow i am, he knows my past with my ex to some extent (10yrs of DV evil man)...

i'm starting to feel pressured into some sort of friendship that leads to romance thing, well i think thats what he is after. it's like hes offering a closer friendship because he knows i will run for the hills if he asks for a date. i like the guy as a friend but i don't know how to handle the situation without hurting him but i feel drained and im scared of being pushed into something i don't want.

Don't worry about hurting him. Much betterto put him off properly than give him false hope. You don't want to be friends with him particularly by the sounds of it so don't agree to meet if you don't want to, just say you're busy, no excuses. When I think about the times I was nice to blokes I didn't fancy before I met dh I just feel annoyed with myself for being so soft. He fancies you and thinks he can wear you down. Don't say you're a nightmare it makes you more exciting and gives him an opportunity to say he'll help you etc. You won't see him for dust if you start seeing someone.

I was in the same situation not so long back.
Explain you are not looking for a relationship. Tell him you understand he wants to just be a friend but realisticaly men and women cant be this. Go offline on fb.
In the end I said to this guy look your a nice person but Im not looking for anything more than friendship and us chatting on fb isnt going anywhere and realistiacaly men and women cant be just friends.
Maybe he will be a little offended to start with but why should you feel bad you have explained to him what the deal is.
After a few days you and him will have forgotten about it and you can both move on.

I think many women recognise this situation. I certainly do. The one thing I've learned though is that if a polite 'thanks, but I'm not interested' doesn't do the trick, you have to be more forceful.

Many people make the first move and get rebutted. If they are really keen, they might try again. But anymore than that and you are being harassed. It really is that simple.

Think about it this way: if he was really a nice guy, he wouldn't be pressurising you when you have spelled it out that you're not interested. Why should you feel scared of hurting him when he is blatantly disregarding your feelings? He isn't offering friendship, he is trying to wear you down.

Your instincts are screaming at you for a very good reason. They recognise that this is bullying behaviour, and while it may seem harmless enough right now and even quite 'ahhhh', it could potentially become very sinister. I'm afraid the fact that he's using these sorts of tactics when he knows that you suffered 10 years of an abusive relationship is ringing every alarm bell I have. I could be way off base, of course, but I'd be keeping an eye on that angle in your situation.

Tell him again politely and clearly that you are not interested. If he persists, tell him that you don't want to see him for a while. If he persists beyond that, involve the police if necessary.

A man who tramples roughshod over your wishes is not someone whose friendship you should be worried about losing.

Hope you manage to sort it.