What the heck do I do now?

[ladybird69]

Quick history, as I have posted before.
H has been abusive to me, cheated and lied etc and to cut a long story short left me and children few months ago. I instructed solicitor to start divorce proceedings and now he's kicked off big time! He is now planning to move back into family home and has the backing of the children because they dont believe what he is like (carefully hidden abuse and swears he hasnt been seeing anyone else!)What the heck do I do now? How am I expected to live under the same roof as him? Last week I felt on top of the world and now I feel like crap yet again, any advice will be a help pls x

you need to take legal advice as an abusive partner shouldn't live with you. however i don't know how the property situation lies legally

good luck

Thanks for your reply Custardo I'll speak to Solicitor in the morn, but just so upset now, hence being on here at stupid oclock!
and thanks for the good luck

OK, I would say, you don't have to live with somebody you don't want to.

Does he have the key to your door? Have you changed the locks?

If so good, or do so soon as possible. Your house and who gets to live there is a legal thing, so needs to be sorted via solicitor. He can not just barge back in after a few months!

He has the backing of the kids? They have not been cheated or lied to so really they have no say in whether you have to stay with H or not.

How stressful for you, keep going.

Unless there is a a legal order against him from entering the property, if he is on the mortgage then he has every right to live there.

I am not saying that is morally right, or that I think he should be able to, but that is how the law will see it.

Thanks Agnes, he has keys and comes and goes as pleases! Have been told that as we jointly own the house I cannot change the locks!
He keeps feeding the kids sob stories about why he had to go/stray etc which they fall for yet when I tell them of the years of emotional, verbal and financial abuse and his cheating and lies they call me the liar! He is emotionally abusing them now too isnt he? God that thought has just this second struck me.
It is so stressful, like a minefield never know which step is gonna detonate the next bomb.......
Thanks for your reply x

?Yes Squeaky I think this is it, it doesnt make it right though eh? I spent last few months of him living here hiding out in the bedroom whenever he was around. Just felt as tho I was starting living again and he starts this
x

Nope, definately doesnt make it right.

How old are the kids?

Squeaky, the ones still at home are 14, 16 and 20!!!

So where does he actually live then? Somewhere else isn't it? So H can't just keep plodding as and when.

Btw as I understand it when a relationship breaks down and partner moves out, the situation regarding access to the house is a bit blurry. That is, you shouldn't really ought to change locks etc, but they would need a court to order it, ie your h would need to contest it in court. (I read that on MN).

So I would still change locks etc. He must make another arrangement to see the kids outside your home.

Accidents happen and it's a fact of life that locks have to be changed when keys are lost or break in them and, ho hum, replacements can't always be easily obtained when required to be given to another legitmate keyholder unless they have put their money where their mouth is obtained a Court order.

However, given the ages and current sympathies of your dcs, you could find yourself engaging in unnecessary financial outlay that may be best expended on applying for an occupation Order.

Speak to your solicitor or give www.rightsofwomen.org.uk a call...

You need to get legal advice, progress the divorce, consider an restraining order and get the house on the market as soon as possible.

Thanks for all your advice, I have spoken to solicitor who basically said the same as you izzy! there is no way that, that man is moving back in!
I was hoping for an amicable divorce even tho he was the one who caused it, but if he wants a battle bring it on.........THE WORM HAS TURNED! I will no longer shrink away in my hole but I'm gonna fight to the bitter end.
Agnes basically his story is he can no longer afford to rent! but that hasnt stopped him booking 2, maybe 3 hols abroad this summer without the kids I might add.
Cognito, I love my home, this is my forever dream home, but if I have to I will move out, money/material things mean nothing to me, but to him they mean everything!
many thanks x

If you were to change the locks lose the keys and have to have new ones cut, what's to stop the kids giving him theirs? He seems to have them on side.

Lady - this is no time to be 'fair'. He's the one playing dirty - so make sure your children know absolutely everything about him (obviously truth only) - including the fact that he apparently does not want to live with them, except that his money has run out, because he has booked several expensive holidays WITHOUT them!!!!! - but now he wants to move back in because he can't afford to live on his own (Aw - didums)

Really - don't let him get away with it!

Clam thats my feelings too! Ive protected them and hidden their wonderful fathers behaviour from them but now its come back to bite me big time!!!
Busy I've given up with playing fair, thats what he's always played on.....
you've hit the nail on the head, yet they still wont see how he's playing mind games with us all.
x