please help what shall I say ?

[FortynotFat]

I have posted a few times about my dh mostly with different names.

He is great 99% of the time it is just when drinking I can't bear him.

He has been nasty and abusive in the past when drunk but is rarely like that now after I took the dc and left him for a couple of weeks.

Now he is just a cock and i hate him when he has a drink.
Our oldest is 10 so it is harder to hide as he is growing up. I don't want him to see or speak to his dad when he is like that.

What can I say to him to make him realise I am getting to end of tether again. He only drinks once or twice a week evenings but he had a long weekend so we are on day 4 of evening drinking now.

If we had no children I would have left him years ago

"I have nowhere to go and I am so ashamed of admitting our marriage is a failure. He would never move out and house joint owned so i can't force him".

No obstacle is insurmountable.

You love him yes but he loves alcohol more. Alcohol is a cruel mistress.

You have not made the marriage a failure; he has by his actions. He does not give a toss about your marriage, you or your children. His primary relationship is now with drink and by staying within this you enable this to continue. The cost to your children if you choose to remain within this long term is incalculable. They won't thank you for staying with such an individual and apart from detesting their Dad, they will blame you also for putting him before them.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships - currently both of you are teaching them damaging lessons.

Legal advice can and should be sought; you need to find out what your rights are. Procrastinating like this shows that you are as caught up in his alcoholism as he is.

re my post of Sun, 25th March, at 22.58

Have returned to this thread and wish to apologise for the offence that I caused; have googled "alcoholism" and realise that there is much more to it than I thought - e.g. alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence and the disease of alcoholism.

I was under the naive impression that people could use willpower to sort out their drinking problems. I see now that this is not the case.

Once again, I am deeply sorry for upsetting people and send best wishes to FnF. Hope that everything works out well for you.

It's not a question of what you 'say' - it's a question of what you 'do' and, if you haven't done so already, one thing I would advise you to do is to source a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and who offers a free half an hour initial consultation so that you can be appraised of what you can expect in terms of division of marital assets and child maintenance if you were to end your marriage.

Help is available for him but it's probable that he'll need to reach rockbottom before he decides to rein in his drinking habit, or quit entirely, and it may be that your draft divorce petition will serve to sober him up enough to go to AA.

As previously advised by others, get support for yourself by contacting Al-Anon.

Am trying to apologise but think that OP has namechanged!

You've apologised in the best way possible as your words are here for all to see, blowcushion, and there's no need for you to pm the OP although, of couse, that's a very nice gesture on your part.

OP- hope that you will post again!

I'm sorry for my comments!