Pregnant and heartbroken - can anything but time help me? ;-(

[MillyStar]

I don't know what to do ;-(

I split up with my partner of 18 months about three weeks ago and I'm due to give birth to our daughter in less than 3 weeks

I've been coping quite well, I've not really told anyone yet apart from a couple of close friends, not told anyone at work either as I finish on Friday till next year so it's not worth being gossiped about, I've just been acting normally and I've still had a laugh etc

Until I fell apart last night, I had a little panic attack In my car over it and had to pull over as I was retching and I couldn't breathe, I've been up all night crying and my head is banging from it

I feel literally broken over it and I don't know what to do, I didn't even feel like this when my 6.5 year relationship ended, I've never felt heartbrake like it my heart is physically aching and I'm worried about the stress on my baby

I'm dreading finishing work, at least it keeps me straight at the moment, I dread the weekends because I constantly think about everything and i will have almost 2 weeks off work before my due date to mope and cry

I honestly can't believe this pain it's horrendous I've never known anything like it, there's nothing I can do but give it time is there?

Poor you - what a tough situation. You will get through it.
There are lots of posters here who have been through similar and have come out the other side.
Of course you feel specially vulnerable because of the pregnancy. It is normal to grieve the end of a relationship. Think of youself as just letting it out.

How very hard and unfair. You can't shut off your emotions simply because you're pregnant. But in time I'm sure you will grieve the loss of your relationship less, you will find so much love for your baby - which is frankly more fulfilling than love in a souring relationship. Of course, maternal love is a different thing, and it takes time to develop, but try to take one day at a time. Don't be too hard on yourself. This isn't what you would have chosen for yourself or your baby, but you're going to be fine regardless.

What kind of support is your ex going to provide once the baby arrives? How have you left things? Do you have friends and family around who are there for you?

Hello Milly! Same thing happened to me. Its a horrible time for a relationship to end!! You are very close to your due date so once you have stopped work try and do some nice things for you everyday. I got hold of a birth meditation CD which was relaxing and helped me focus daily. I also got out for a walk or a swim with a friend or my mum daily even though I was mahoosive it was good to get out. Is there anyone who can come and stay with you until the baby is born?? I work in a hospital so there was a lot of gossip but I got a huge wave of support once people new what was happening so I wouldn't worry about that. Try not to expect anything from your ex ( mine let me down constantly). I also did things I wouldn't be able to do once baby arrived...cinema, hair appointment and i made friends with some other expectant mums which helped hugely once dd born. Have you got someone to be with you during the birth and to stay afterwards ??? Only asking as I needed an emergency c-section and my dad ended up moving in for 10 weeks to do my cooking and cleaning whilst I looked after the baby. The other option was to go and stay with family so I wouldn't be alone. Basically once people know you are on your own people are lovely and very supportive. The only person who has been a total git is my ex and it made me realise I could do anything once I got through birth and looking after a newborn alone. Loads of hugs xxxx

Milly.I'm really sorry for you. You must feel awful.I hope I can offer you some comfort ...my situation is different in that my husband left me right at the start of my pregnancy so I had 8 months to get used to the idea ...on the down side I was in such a mess for most of my pregnancy I was worried about what the stress would be doing to the baby..I hope at least you have had a nice calm pregnancy.

Anyway I can totally identify with the worry of finishing work as I too found the structure and the 'having something to get up for' a lifesaver. When you finish how long do you have before you are due? I know everyone tells you to put your feet up but I did the opposite and kept really busy to fill my days and my mind and it really helped.I also went and stayed with my mum for a week, and some other friends who I hadn't seen for a while.That could help if thats an option as if may be the last chance you get for a while anyway! Have you still got much to do for the baby? I found if really useful to have a focus for the day -even if if was just a trip to Mothercare to get some stuff. It will be over before you know it and then comes the amazing part!

I hope you will be able to say the same...but as soon as my DS arrived I virtually forgot why my ex was ( for a while at least!) I was so utterly consumed by love for my baby he seemed to pail into insignificance. It takes such a lot out of you I would be really surprised if you even have time to give him the thought that you do now.It's really tough doing it alone but so completely wonderful and rewarding too.My DS is now 21 months and is utterly lovely , happy and brilliant-I never would have imagined something so joyful could come from the crumpled heap I was in at the time.

You are strong and you can do this . You will get through this and you will be happy again..Tell yourself this even when you don't believe it. Good luck

Ps who are you having at the birth? My 2 best friends were my birthing partners and were waaaaay better than my husband would have been.Have you planned that bit yet?

I really feel for you Milly. Never been in this situation. Only thing I can compare it to is the times I've felt heartbrakingly low and alone due to postnatal depression. Coming on here was helpful!

I would second what the others have said, keep busy doing the things you won't get to do and keep yourself active. My midwives told me that as I wanted an active, natural birth. I was stopping work quite early so I had a long time on my own with no family close by to keep me busy. Had to make sure I got out for walks, swims etc. Good Luck.

:( feel so sad and for you - it's just the worst feeling ever. I'm not quite in the same situation as my H left me when I was 14 weeks, and I have an older son (20months). I've moved in with family for the short term to help with the pregnancy/newborn/toddler combo, and also so that I'm not rattling around in our old home feeling desperately alone. I don't know if that's an option for you or even if you would want to be somewhere else? If not, then I second getting a bank of people to help you. Friends to pop in every day and at least one or two who are happy to stay the night with you now and then when baby comes. It's going to be tough but you will come out of this the other side so incredibly proud of what you've achieved. Pop along over to the lone parents board if you haven't already and get some practical hints and tips from mums (and single dads) who have done it all before.

Definitely don't keep it to yourself. There is a world of support out there and you will be overwhelmed with how much people want to look after you and love you and your precious DD through this time. Let people help you - it will pass faster than you can imagine. I'm 10 weeks down the line and I feel 100% differently today than when I first faced being on my own with 2 kids. Sending (((hugs)))

Milly, no specific advice apart from talk to someone supportive about how you feel and let someone else take care of you. You're in my thoughts x

I'm so sorry lovely. No advice but un Mumsnetty (hugs)

Milly. Where are you? My marriage is breaking down an in 34 weeks pregnant. I understand Compleatly. I'm in the midlands if you need support

Hi all I’m in a horrible situation I don’t know what to do! My partner hates me because I lied to him about where I was, he now thinks I’ve cheated & people have told him so this is not the case I haven’t cheated I love him to much, I’m 12 weeks pregnant and he is saying he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby until he knows the baby is his, I can’t eat or sleep and he won’t talk to me no matter how I try contact him, does anybody have any advice to help me through this

Hi Becaz
Sorry to hear your problems.
You need to start your own thread, you might not get many replies on this one as it’s so old.
At the top you just click on ‘ start new thread in this topic’. It’s directly underneath ‘ Talk. Relationships’